


Sandman

by Ninja_tori11



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Almost Armin/Eren, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Canon Compliant, Dirty Talk, Disabled Character, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Levi with feelings, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Mpreg, Oral Sex, Suicide Attempt, Takes place right before Chapter 85, but not really, mentions of previous Levi/Hange, spoilers for anime
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-04-30 08:27:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14492904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninja_tori11/pseuds/Ninja_tori11
Summary: While stuck outside the wall with Captain Levi, Eren loses his hand, titan powers, and virginity. The team begins searching for answers to Eren's missing titan powers and Levi realizes how much he depends on Eren and how much he couldn't bare to lose him. Hange is convinced Eren has cancer and it's stopping Eren from being able to shift. Levi doesn't believe her until he starts showing signs of sickness. Luckily Armin is smarter than all of them and knows better.





	1. Outside the Walls

**Author's Note:**

  * For [myself because damn I worked hard](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=myself+because+damn+I+worked+hard).



> I don't own the story or characters but it is well within my right to cause all the feels I deem necessary.

Before Eren knew it, Levi had been taken. He didn’t know what had happened. It was supposed to be over. They were supposed to be done. Levi had just taken out dozens of titans. Eren had just defeated Reiner and Bertolt. Armin was alive and now possessed the power of the titan like him. Everything was supposed to be right.

But the Beast titan had grabbed Levi right off the top of the wall. His giant, furry hand reached blindly over the side and grabbed up Levi. He was gone. And Eren didn’t think. Some would say he never does. Hanji yelled at him, screamed for him to stop. But Eren had already thrown himself off the wall. He changed into a titan half way down, landing in a crouch and sprinting after the Beast titan. He didn’t think. He didn’t have to. He wasn’t going to let Levi go. He couldn’t after all they had been through. With only nine members of the survey corps left… they couldn’t afford to lose anyone else. He wasn’t going to let that happen. 

After the original team Levi was killed, Levi hadn’t given up on Eren, even though Eren blamed himself, and rightly so, for their deaths. Levi didn’t let Eren fall into that depression. When Eren tried to take his own life, Levi was the one to talk him down. The only one that could break through the shroud of darkness. Eren wasn’t going to give up on Levi because Levi was still alive. Eren could feel it. He was going to get him back. It was a simple fact. 

Eren sprinted outside the wall after the Beast Titan. Thinking about it, this was his first time outside the walls. He ate up the ground with his long legs, quickly catching up to the Cart titan that held Levi, Reiner, and the humanized beast titan. The beast titan must have been out of juice. All the better. 

Eren covered the last hundred meters quickly, the Cart Titan ran, but it wasn’t made for battle or defense. Eren grabbed it by the neck, it was only of the four-meter class. He did’t think. He squeezed the titan until its head popped off. The titan fell from its oddly positioned legs into the grass. It was simple, too simple. Levi was there, passed out and bound by the very belts that helped him kill titans. He didn’t stir when Eren picked him up. A large wound decorating his temple—bloody and raw. He couldn’t be dead. Eren would have known. He just couldn’t be. Eren couldn’t tell in his titan body if Levi was dead or unconscious. But he couldn’t leave that body yet. He had to finish something first. 

Reiner was still laying, regenerating his head. He was eaten quickly and without thought. Eren felt sorrow for his old friend, but the friendship had always been one sided. Reiner had made that very clear. The Beast titan could do little. He had been in his titan form too long. It wasn’t a battle. It was a feast. With the Captain nestled gently in Eren’s hand, he wandered at random until he stumbled across an abandoned fortress in the middle of a forest. He laid Levi down in the grass, the Captain didn’t move. There would be little hope for most people in this situation, but this was Captain Levi, he was stronger than most. As quick as he could, Eren removed himself from his titan body, sliding down it to get back to Levi. 

Eren was bone weary, in truth he should not have been able to transform again. When his feet hit the ground, his knees buckled, and he barely caught himself from falling face first into the dirt. But he wasn’t finished. He had to see if Levi was alive. And if he was, Eren needed to get him untied before Levi woke and realized how pathetic he looked. His legs shook too hard when he tried to stand so he crawled to Levi, settled by the large, broken door of the ruins. His body felt so heavy as he pulled himself through the grass. He could easily close his eyes and sleep for ten days at that point. Exhaustion did not describe the depths of his tiredness. Death would be more accurate. 

He didn’t have to crawl far, but his arms were trembling by the time he reached Levi. He took a shaky breath before stealing himself and reached for the pulse point at Levi’s neck. His fingers tremble all the way there. Levi’s skin was… warm and beating. Eren let out the breath he was holding and laughed. Levi would kill him when he realizes he touched him with such dirty hands. Rocks scratched open his palms and dirt was caked on his hands and knees. He pulled Levi into his arms nonetheless. His shoulders dropping their tension and he allowed himself a moment to bask in his triumph. Levi is safe in my arms and our enemies are finally dead. 

Levi coughed suddenly, his fierce grey eyes opening, “Fuck.” Is all he said.

Eren couldn’t help but smile because he expected nothing less, “Shut up old man, you’re alive, aren’t you?” 

Levi struggled in his bonds until he felt his head injury and gasped softly. “Did that shitty titan eat half my head?” his voice was soft and not himself. He was probably just as weary as Eren, maybe more so. 

“Just a minor head injury, Captain, probably a concussion too.” Eren began unbuckling the belts that tied Levi’s hands behind his back. He answered Levi’s silent question, “We are still outside the walls, I’m not sure where, but I couldn’t go any farther in my titan form. I saw a few titans to the west of here, but they were more focused on the wall were the…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. It didn’t seem like all those people were gone. None of them deserved to be. So many good men and women just…gone. They didn’t even have the man-power to pick up the dead outside the wall. Eren knew he didn’t have to finish the sentence, Levi understood the titans would be attracted to all the corpses still lying just outside the wall. Eren finished with the Captain’s bindings as quickly as his shaking hands allowed him, “Lets get inside before a titan catches our scent.”

Levi rose unsteadily, feeling his wound gently, he turned and waited for Eren to stand with him, probably needing his help to walk past the door frame. Eren accepted the challenge and pulled himself to his knees once more. Placing his hands on the crumbling stones of the building, he pulled one leg out from under him into a kneeling position. Levi watched him inquisitively for a moment, “Take your time, brat.” He finally said.

Eren chuckled, why did he want this guy back exactly? “Trying Captain, I did just save your life you know.”

A hand was extended, “No, I was actually being serious, I know what you did.” His voice was soft, definitely never a side Eren had seen of the captain. “And I believe I killed about three dozen more titans than you today so stop complaining.” Eren tried not to smile, but it happened anyway. Taking Levi’s hand, they both make their way into the long-forgotten castle. 

Everything in the place was broken, only a few walls left standing, a partial roof, and old torches that had been used one too many times. They both leaned heavily on each other until they reached the inner corridors of the building, collapsing instantly on the dry, cold floor. It was clear neither of them were going to move again for the night and with the sun almost set, neither worried about a titan attacking. Though it was summer, the crisp night air still whipped through the ruins. After a long minute, Eren removed his cloak and wrapped it around both of them. Levi’s had been torn away, probably when the beast titan grabbed him. He scooted close to Levi, sitting up against the wall shoulder to shoulder. Eren let his head hang and his eyes slowly closed on their own accord. Levi’s heat beside him was reassuring, he did his job and finally accomplished something. It almost didn’t matter what happened today, they were both safe for the moment.

Too much happened that day, too much was still happening. But it would have to be dealt with later. Before both boys were dragged into a deep, careless sleep, Eren heard the softest of ‘Thank you’s.’ 

~

For whatever reason, Eren woke up before dawn. A few minutes ago, he carried Levi into the building and practically passed out where the stood, it didn’t feel like it should be time for the sun to rise. He glanced over at Levi and immediately felt heat crawl up his cheeks. Why did he blush? Levi laid curled up on his side, his back against the wall and head in Eren’s lap. His face was finally free of his constant glare. He looked much younger like this, but the war aged them all. It felt too intimate for Eren, seeing this side of Levi, or even being able to look at Levi without Levi telling him to ‘fuck off.’ Eren laughed quietly to himself and sat up carefully. He had lived through too much just to be killed for looking at the Captain too long. 

“Lay back down, idiot.” Levi said without opening his eyes, causing Eren to startle. How long has Levi been awake?

“The titans will be up in a couple hours, sir, we should get moving before they do.”

“You can’t walk let alone turn into a titan right now. And if I stand, there will be a large pile of vomit in that corner.” He pointed in a general direction, looking up at Eren at last. 

Like a good soldier Eren settled back down, “And the titans, Heichou? Have they developed manners and are willing to wait to eat us until after we are fully rested?” 

“Ugh, Yeager, your thinking literally gives me a headache. So, stop thinking and sleep. I’ll wake you up if a titan smashes through the roof.” Levi’s eyes fluttered closed again, and Eren knew there was no use in arguing with him. They were too weak to be anything more than titan bait at this point.

~

When Eren woke up again, he could tell it had been a while since they got there. Levi had a fire going on the opposite side of the narrow corridor, roasting what looked like rabbit. The flames produce a delicious warmth that swept over Eren like a blanket. “Captain, how long was I-”

Levi cut him off before he could finish, “Almost two days.” He stared at the fire like it held some kind of answers. Like he was searching for something.

“Are you alright, Captain?” Eren finally asked when Levi didn’t look away from it. Eren noticed how home-y the dim corridor had become. The fire was well built with several stacks of extra firewood to the side. The rubble that had been around them has been cleared away and most of the cob webs in their general area were gone. A bucket with a large chunk missing on one side held clean water to drink. The Captain had put a lot of work into all of this. 

Levi sighed, half laughing, “Oh yeah, I’m okay.” He looked away then, down to his hands that he held out in front of himself. He looked as if he killed someone… Oh.

Eren stood, his legs strong again, “Levi, it wasn’t your fault. You know that. How many times have we both been in this situation, just because we survived this time, doesn’t mean their deaths were by our hands.” He took a step toward him, but Levi snapped his head up to glare down Eren. How he made someone feel small while being a foot shorter and sitting, Eren would never know. 

“I told him ‘Give up on that dream and die, lead those new recruits into hell. And I will take down the Beast titan.’ I decided for him, made my opinion clear that, yes, dying was best for everyone at the time. Fucking encouraged him. They are all dead, because I told them to be.” Levi didn’t raise his voice, just stared into Eren’s eyes and told him, like it was a fact. 

Eren walked to Levi and put himself at his Captain’s feet. Now at eye level, he grabbed Heichou by his shoulders, gripping firmly, “No.”

Levi waited, probably thinking there would be more, when there wasn’t he huffed out a fake laugh, rolling his eyes and turning back to the flames. He flicked Eren’s hands off like a pesky speck of dust. “Do you not realize how fucking shitty this all is, Eren? The only reason we haven’t become Titan indigestion is because the are still snacking on our friends!” His voice did rise then. Eren had never heard him sound so desperate. He was humanities strongest, how could he break down? “You know I’ve been here before? It took me a while to realize it, but I didn’t have much to do while you slept. When I was a new recruited, we went on a mission to test the long-distance formation. My first mission, actually. We stayed here over night, that next morning my friends, family really, were killed. And I can’t help but think I’ve come full circle now.” Eren didn’t try to stop him. He knew how important it was for him to say this—to put everything out there. “Their death was my fault too, I left them thinking I would be better on my own. I just… let them die. What kind of shitty person…” As if he had tired himself out, Levi stopped suddenly.

“Captain?” Eren asked quietly. Eren knew how it felt like to be in this place to feel as if your entire life had been one mistake after another. That you hurt every person you touch. He didn’t want this for Levi. 

“Don’t call me ‘Captain’ unless you want to follow that title to your death.” Levi pulled the speared rabbit out from the fire and placed it on a scrap of material that looked to be the little remains of his cloak. 

“Captain,” Eren repeated firmly, grabbing Levi by the chin and making him look at him, “I am here. You are here. And so many innocent lives are still here today because of what you have done. We all would have been slaughtered otherwise. You know this. That is why I follow you, sir. Because even though you know the consequences, not just of others, but those you will later have to bear, you still make the right choices. The hard choices that no one else is willing to make. I have never met anyone I respect more or would want to respect more.” He let go of Levi’s face, a little embarrassed at such a bold attack. 

Levi ran his hand over his eyes then up through his hair, “So you still respect me then? Will follow my commands because they are for the good of mankind?” His voice was back to his usual deadpan. 

Eren practically vibrated with joy. He isn’t totally useless if he can help the Captain. “Yes, sir!” his hands, on reflex, went into the salute, his right hand curling into a fist over his heart. 

“Then,” Levi practically purred, “strip.”

“What?” Surely Eren hadn’t heard Heichou right.

Levi’s gray eyes bore into his, “Take your clothes off and spread your legs for your Captain. You want to make me feel better? Give me back my confidence? Then this is how it will be.” As usual, Levi’s expression didn’t change even when saying such filthy words.

Eren didn’t know how to respond. “Why?” he finally managed to spit out.

The Captain stood, too restless to stay sitting. He needs to feel in control of something—to feel something. Eren understood that all too well. “Why?” The elder seemed almost baffled by the word. “Because I want to be selfish. I want to do something for my benefit alone and not worry about making the ‘hard choices’ whether they be the right ones or not.” He took a step closer to Eren, peering down at him with his usual murderous glare. He looks strong and intimidating, but not out of anger or frustration as he claims. No, there was definitely a deep sorrow in his gray eyes. “I want you to disrespect me.” 

The Captain was asking this of him, to let him use his body to release his stress. To use him to escape this nightmare of a world for a little bit. He felt his determination rise within. He clinched at the cloak Levi had wrapped back around him, grounding his resolve. Eren owed the Captain a life dept, he would not deny his Captain’s request. More than that, Eren didn’t want to see his Captain like that. He knew how helpless it felt when the world swallowed you up—when life wasn’t worth much anymore. He would never let the Captain suffer in such a state. Eren knew he would do everything in his power to take away some of that feeling.

Eren swallowed once, “If that’s what you need, sir.” He removed the cloak and laid it out a few paces from the fire. He then took off his shirt, the metal key falling back to his bare chest with a hollow thud. The fire light danced on his bronze skin, illuminating too much for Eren’s taste. Eren’s abdominal muscles tensed under his Captain’s watch. Because the Captain was watching, and it made Eren so nervous. His cheeks burned red under those stone eyes.

“Eren—” Levi started, but Eren was kicking off his boots. His pants and underwear were shucked off and kicked away. Eren wasn’t sure what he was doing. It was so embarrassing having the Captain look at him like that. Like he was going to devour him any second. His blush spread down his neck and chest. Nonetheless, Eren would do this for his Captain. If this is what he needed to feel in control again, Eren would take on this responsibility.

Levi was speechless for too long, making Eren’s legs shake. Eren crawled forward onto the cloak, his ass in the air and his head hanging low so he didn’t have to meet his superior’s eyes. “Please take care of me, Captain,” he mumbled in between his arms. 

Levi moved slowly, the muscles in Eren’s back trembled slightly as the older man walked around him. Levi didn’t even look at him as he picked up Eren’s pants and threw them back to him. “Put your clothes back on, you shitty brat.” He walked back to the far wall, his boots echoing off the stone, and turned away from Eren. The Captain was probably discussed at how readily he would whore himself out. How quickly he stripped and presented himself…

Eren’s embarrassment rolled off him in waves as he proceeded to redress, making them both uncomfortable. The Captain coughed to fill the silence, “…Thank you… for the offer, but I’m not going to rape you,” he paused another half second before tacking on, “especially when you’re so filthy.” 

Eren laughed softly at that, so Levi was only disgusted by his filth, “It—I’m here for you, sir. Whatever you need, I’m here.” They didn’t make eye contact, for which Eren was very grateful. He feared he would never be able to fulfill any of the Captain’s orders without a blush again. Or look at the Captain again without blushing. Or sleep at night without imagining if the Captain had taken him right then.

When Eren finally glanced back at Levi, he noticed the Captain’s hard on immediately, then made eye contact with the flushed man. Eren would definitely not be able to sleep that night. Levi turned and walked swiftly down the corridor towards the front entrance, “That rabbit is probably cool enough now. Eat it. I’m going hunting.” He didn’t look back and practically ran away. Leaving Eren very confused and more horny than he would like to admit.

~

It wasn’t as if Eren had never thought of the Captain in any other way than as his superior officer before—he definitely had. A lot. Enough so that he questioned his sexuality. Enough so that he made an exception to his sexuality. Straight…but when it came to Levi he was bent out of shape. And who could blame him? Levi was a very attractive, skilled, well respected, and well-established man. Sure, the Captain had his moods, but they were mostly tolerable. And when he would drop that scowl for a second and smirk at one of Eren’s dumb jokes…Eren had to admit it, at least to himself, that it turned him on a little.

Eren wasn’t like this until after his incident. Levi had seen him holding one of his blades to the back of his neck, right where his titan form could be killed. Probably the only place he could be killed at all. Eren hadn’t had the chance to test his theory. He had been mumbling his last goodbyes to his empty cell room. Apologizing to Armin and Mikasa for the past hour, while his blade rested on his skin. It had cut him still, resting in his skin, the blood running down his back. But he couldn’t feel it. He wanted to feel it—something. He hadn’t put any strength into it yet, just let it sit there until he was ready. And he had been so close to ready.

Then Levi had walked in, probably wondering why he wasn’t outside to train yet. Eren only noticed when he was suddenly being manhandled into giving up his blade. At the time he had just been so numb. It didn’t really matter what happened anymore physically because he was trapped in the hell he created in his head. So the clatter of metal on the dungeons stone floor didn’t startle him. Or when the Captain had pushed him to his back on his springy bed. Levi had wrapped his arms around him, one coming up to stop the blood from trickling out of the nick on the back of his neck. His mind never quit screaming at him. Repeating everything he had ever done wrong, showing all of the deaths he had caused. But that endless stream paused for half a second to listen to Levi ramble into his chest that day. 

Eren didn’t remember everything that was said then, mostly just ‘Eren, Eren, listen to me, listen, please,’ but a couple lines stayed with him. Ones that hit him deep enough to give him time to take a breath between the endless screams:

“Eren, we need you. Not for the damn war, but for you. We can’t lose you too. We couldn’t take it. I couldn’t handle it. Please listen to me, Eren. I know you’re in there. Please, please, listen. You are important to me and I need you. Not the titan—you. We can get through this, together. I know we can. You are so strong, so please, keep fighting, because we need you. I need you. I need you.”

It didn’t snap Eren out of it—he was in a dark pit that you couldn’t just jump out of. No, it was a very slow climb from that moment, filled with countless hours of his friends sitting with him in silence and just holding his hand. They forced him back to life after weeks and weeks of feeling so alone and tired and useless. Mikasa made sure he ate three times a day and that he got to training on his good days. And then she was with him every second of training, never leaving his side. Levi stayed half the nights in a chair next to the bed, sometimes reading whatever book he could find. The other nights he didn’t bother with a chair and just slept next to Eren’s practically lifeless form. Armin had made a deal with Erwin at the time to miss training on Eren’s bad days and stay in and talk through all his old stories about lakes filled with salt. He was also in charge of forcing Eren to bathe every couple days and would force him into a bath. Others visited often, talking to Eren and just telling them how much they cared. Hell, even Jean came and talked to him at least once a week. 

But Levi had cried that first night, his tears soaking Eren’s shirt. He had remembered that too. Because he realized he didn’t want Levi to cry because of him. And if what Levi had said was true, Levi didn’t care about his faults. He had already been forgiven for everything he had done wrong, all those deaths he had caused. Because Levi needed him, someone cared, someone forgave him. And maybe that’s all he needed in the first place, to feel like he was still wanted in life. Someone to pull him out of that dark hell. And it had been Levi.

Whether Levi knew or not, Eren had become emotionally attached after that night. The bond slowly building with every night Levi stayed with him in that dungeon room with one hand clasped on his nape. Protecting Eren from everyone…even himself.  
 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi changes his mind.

Levi didn’t sleep around, he wasn’t stupid enough to catch the other soldiers’ diseases. When he needed more than the usual masturbation, he would go to Hange for an unattached fuck. The Survey Corps didn’t allow for real relationships, so he never tried to have one. Everyone that he had ever been close to loving had died. So, he and Hange fucked on the weekends and kept it professional. And since his family’s death, that’s all the love he received, sexual or not. Until this fucker came around offering himself up like a sacrificial lamb, not just today, but every day Levi has known him. The boys spirit and undying will was refreshing to see. And, he hated admitting it, gave him hope. It was hard to not want to be around that, even for just a night.

Levi had only been trying to scare the boy at first. Seeing how far he would go to follow his orders. He didn’t think Eren would have actually done it. But the way the boy had scrambled out of his clothes so fast and fallen to his knees, presenting his tight little ass like a fucking gift had stirred something deep inside Levi. A primal side of him had wanted to fuck him into the floor and see his eyes fill with tears. Not out of stress or need to get off, just because he wanted to. Levi never let himself want. It always ended badly. But he wanted that man’s body.

Levi shook himself out of his spiraling thoughts, checking the traps he managed to build and set a few nights back. With only a few hours until the morning, Levi made the rounds quickly and went back to the castle. Now that Eren was awake, they would be able to leave as soon as dusk hit. Though no titans had been seen so far, Levi didn’t want to risk it. He came back to the ruins with three more rabbits to be cooked and too many things buzzing through his head. 

~

Eren had been waiting for Levi’s return, he wasn’t sure what exactly he needed to say, but he had to say something to clear what had happened earlier. For Maria’s sake! He fucking took all his clothes off in front of the Captain and asked him to ‘take care of him.’ He thought he was following orders, helping his Captain, but he realized after Levi left that he may have wanted it more than the Captain. He could only hope the Captain hadn’t seen his hard on as he laid himself out to be fucked. The Captain had said that’s what he needed, but maybe he didn’t want that type of thing with an inexperienced kid like Eren. His only experience with sex was finding Sasha and Connie going at it in the broom closet one day when Levi ordered him to clean half the base. To which he grabbed the broom and slammed the door shut quickly. 

Eren had gratefully eaten the rabbit and then realized how long he had left Levi alone. Two days he had been asleep. Levi must have been accusing himself all that time, no wonder it looked like he would pass out at any point. He had probably been up each night going through those terrible thoughts.  
He would tell the Captain… No, he still didn’t know. He didn’t know how to get Heichou to understand that he was there for him. That he was whatever he needed, and Levi didn’t need to hold back if he didn’t want. With a full stomach and a set goal, Eren drifted back to sleep at the sound of the crackling fire. 

~

When Eren woke again, he was being attacked. His eyes snapped open at the feeling of something wet assaulting his chest making him omit an embarrassing sound that he didn’t want the Captain to hear. Levi was in his lap, one hand forcing his shirt up, the other fiddling with the buttons on Eren’s pants. He couldn’t help but gasp as Levi’s mouth returned to his nipple, tugging at the hard bud with his teeth.

“Ca-Captain?” His hands automatically went to Levi’s hair, to pull him away or force him to stay, he wasn’t sure. “What—” Levi gave a particularly hard suck, “What—” he tried again.

Levi pulled away briefly, licking the other nipple before looking up to Eren. His eyes glued him to the spot, making his heart stop. His pupils blown so wide it almost consumed the gray iris. “I changed my mind,” he whispered before capturing Eren’s lips in his. 

For a long second Eren didn’t know what to do, holding his breath as his Captain slowly coxed him into the kiss, forcing his lips to move and his mouth to open. Levi’s tongue slipped into his mouth without warning and then suddenly it was gone, his mouth dropping to Eren’s neck. Eren couldn’t hold in the tiny squeaks that were forced out of him as Levi sucked and kissed over his pulse point. His thumb finding Eren’s nipples again and playing with them until the boy’s squeaks became whimpers because he couldn’t process any of it. He had wanted this, didn’t he? But everything was so sudden, and his brain could quite grasp that he wasn’t sleeping anymore. Eren wasn’t sure he was ready anymore.

Levi’s other hand couldn’t seem to get Eren’s fly open, so he contented himself with rubbing at Eren’s cock through his pants. Eren hadn’t realized he was hard until his Captain started jerking him in earnest. His dick twitched hard in its cotton confines. He groaned into his Captain’s neck, holding on to his back, not knowing what to do with himself.

“Eren,” Levi pulled back again, taking his shirt off while he was at it, “You were so eager to take your pants off earlier, what are you waiting for?” He bit into Eren’s shoulder, hard.

“Levi!” he yelped, gasping as Levi’s hand on his dick picked up its pace, “No biting. I don’t—ah—want to turn into a titan.” Nonetheless, Eren moved to unbutton the too tight pants. If this is what his Captain wants, he reminded himself.

“Control yourself then,” Levi huffed, sliding down Eren’s legs and practically ripping his pants off. Levi wasted no time bringing his lips down to Eren’s hard cock, kissing the bitter precum off. Eren didn’t try to conceal his moans—couldn’t. It was like—he didn’t know what it was like other than warm and wet and so deliciously good. 

“You are one to talk,” Eren mumbled in between gasps as his superior’s tongue worked over the thick vein on the underside of his member. The tongue stopped right underneath the head of his penis and turned to an open mouth kiss that made Eren’s legs tense and hips thrust up for more. Levi’s hands dug into his hip bones as he continued to assault that same spot. Eren squirmed, unable to do anything but claw at his superior’s back. He didn’t know such pleasure could be gained like this. He had heard stories from his bunkmates during training but thought they were exaggerating and maybe a bit whorish. But now he was as wanton as a prostitute and was not about to regret it. Heichou suddenly switched from those relentless, not-enough kisses to taking Eren’s cock deep into his mouth. Those silver eyes met Eren’s for a hot moment before Levi’s cheeks hollowed and Eren was being sucked, hard. His eyes rolled back and body arching into that beautiful, perfect mouth that could shout at him to clean any damn thing Levi wanted after this. “Oh shit—Oh no… Levi you… I’m getting close—” The boy didn’t know what to do with himself; his hands clenching and unclenching in the raven hair. His head thrown to the side, desperate gasps escaping. He could hardly believe he had a horny Captain sucking the life out of him.

The Captain pulled back and pumped him with his hands a few times causing a gush of precum. Heichou fucking licked his lips before going back down on him, licking up the precum and tonguing at his slit. Eren wasn’t going to last long at this rate. Especially not when Heichou slowly lowered his mouth around him again, engulfing him in the wet heat. A sound close to a sob was ripped out of him, echoed by a dick-muffled growl from the Captain. “I—I’m not going to last…Captain, please.” He bucked his hips as much as possible with Levi’s strong hands holding him down. Eren would later swear that Levi was laughing around his dick as he deep throated him. “Heichou, Heichou, Heichou,” Eren couldn’t help but jerk up into the feeling, he was desperate. What he hadn’t expected was feeling the Captain gag around him as Eren hit the back of his throat. And fuck…It felt like he couldn’t breathe, he was so close his whole body was trembling.

Eren could feel Levi’s eyes on him, burning up his skin, eating him alive. Heichou’s fingers were suddenly probing at his mouth, “Suck,” he demanded, popping off his cock. Eren did sob then at the sudden loss of that gorgeous mouth around him, tears pooling in his eyes. But Eren didn’t disobey his superiors order. His Captain’s mouth returned to his nipples as he sucked the three fingers that were roughly fucking his mouth, giving promise to what was to come. He groaned, wanting nothing more that Levi’s mouth back around his cock, but knowing something far better was about to happen. 

Once Levi deemed his fingers sufficiently lubricated, he removed them from the Eren’s panting mouth. He crawled off Eren’s lap and gently spread his legs, looking back up into the deep ocean eyes, “I’m going to fuck you until you can’t walk now.” Levi said, willing him to talk back.

The boy swallowed thickly, sweat rolling down his skin and chest heaving for breath, “Okay.” Those stone-gray eyes flashed with something unidentifiable to Eren. Whatever it was, he wanted it. Levi grabbed him by the calves and pulled Eren to him. Eren found himself flat on his back, his legs wrapped high around the Captain’s hips. His heart did a flip in his chest as Levi took in his body in this position. He knew he looked like a slut, his ass high on Levi’s thighs and most private areas on display. His hands fallen above his head, face flushed and dick still achingly hard. 

And Levi just took it all in. Every inch of his body seen by those intense eyes. It made Eren shiver. Levi didn’t wait any longer before his spit-slick fingers were pressing at Eren’s entrance, “This is going to hurt,” he warned just before he plunged his index finger into the boy’s tight hole. Eren gasped, tensing up immediately and squirming to get away. “I told you it would hurt, shitty brat. Now relax.” Eren had wanted it, but he would rather go back to what they had been doing earlier. He knew the Captain was just as desperate for release as Eren, maybe more so by the way he ground his finger in quickly.

“Levi—I don’t think…” The Captain looked up from his work and nodded. His finger was left as it was as he leaned up and took Eren’s lips in his. He kissed Eren deeply, trying to distract the plunge of his finger with a swipe of his tongue.

Eren tried to relax, but how could he with a finger up his ass? It didn’t hurt necessarily, but it was too foreign to be comfortable. The throbbing of his dick was easily forgotten with the new sensations. Levi gave the boy time to adjust before drawing the finger out and working it back in again until the muscle became loose. Eren couldn’t help but wiggle and whine under his Captain. It was… so awkward. 

That is until that finger brushed something inside him that made his cock twitch and his back bow. Eren didn’t know what had happened. “Oooh god, yes Levi!” Every nerve ending lit up inside him making him want, want, want. 

Levi chuckled quietly and repeated the action, “Any louder and you’ll wake the titans, brat.” His finger curled into Eren’s walls, making him howl and reach for something to hold on to. So lost in his pleasure that he almost didn’t notice when Levi slipped in another finger. Almost. Levi, equally as desperate, pumped into him quickly. Scissoring him open with forceful determination and making sure to hit that spot with every thrust. He felt like he was slowly losing himself to the pleasure. Rational thoughts and any embarrassment left him completely. It was pleasure and a stretch and friction and fullness. So full. And he needed more. Needed Levi to give it to him. Some part of him knew he was begging for it but he was fully lost. 

Eren hadn’t realized the tight clench of his abdomen and how close he was to release. “Levi—” He tried to warn but he was already cumming untouched all over his stomach. His body tensed up, curling in on himself, the Captain’s fingers pausing inside his quivering hole.

Levi raised one eyebrow, “If you think I’m stopping now—”

“Oh god… don’t you dare stop.” The boy begged, spreading his legs wider.

With a silent smirk Levi shifted them around, unbuttoning his fly and releasing his cock that had not been payed near enough attention. He was so gorgeous, covered in sweat that made him glisten in the fire light, standing up on his knees, towering over Eren. His cock stood ready, already dripping precum and curving up towards Levi’s belly. A belly that was hard with muscles leading up to a perfectly sculpted chest and arms made for wielding blades. And when that smirk touched his lips… Eren felt as if he was already being fucked. Eren tried not think about how much the stretch would hurt when Levi’s large cock was stuffed inside of him. Levi groaned as he spread his precum down his eager cock, slowly jerking himself as he coated his member in the slick substance. He swung the younger’s legs over his shoulders and pressed his weeping cock at the boy’s entrance. He looked back to Eren, confirming with their locked eyes before he slowly pushed into the tight heat. Eren cried out immediately, back arching off the stone floor and legs squeezing around Heichou.

This was completely different from his fingers. He was being split in two. It was too much pressure. Too intense for his body to handle. His hands scrabbled around the floor, until Levi laced a set of fingers into Eren’s and the boy calmed slightly. Eren couldn’t stop himself from panting though, his body was feeling too much. Was being stretched too much. 

The brunette tried to catch his breath, the Captain’s dick much larger than his two fingers were. Hiechou paused with only the head inside, “You okay, brat?” He asked, his legs trembling from the effort of holding himself back.

Eren’s hand in his squeezed a couple times, “Y-yeah, you can keep going.” His voice trembled all the way out, already hoarse from Levi’s previous work. Eren noticed how it stirred on the Captain. “You like when I talk to you, Captain?” he asked as he wiggled his hips, trying to get comfortable.

Levi gave him a dirty look that could be interpreted as ‘shut the fuck up’ or ‘I’m going to be making you shut up.’ Levi’s hips jerked into him taking his breath away as if to prove his point.

His voice dropped low, practically growling at Eren, “Are you sure you can handle it, Eren. I’m not going to go easy,” he pressed in hard, “on you.” He finished with a grunt. 

The soldier fucking sobbed, “Please, please, give it to me, Captain. I—I—I need it.” Levi groaned and pulled the boys hips up further. Actual tears spilled from Eren’s eyes, leaking down the sides of his face. Levi thrust in the rest of the way, his balls slapping against Eren’s ass. A pitiful whimper left Eren’s trembling lips.

The Captain was much, much bigger than his fingers had been. Eren couldn’t relax into it, it was too much. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt. But Levi was so hot and trying so hard to be careful, Eren would heal quickly. He felt so full, overwhelmingly so, every inch of him being possessed by his Captain—it wasn’t all bad. “Fuck, Eren, am I hurting you?” Levi took hold of Eren’s other hand, stopping all motions and making the boy look at him. 

The boy hesitated, opening his mouth—

“You lie to me and I will fuck your ass bloody.” Levi threatened.

“I didn’t lie Captain… I want you, sir, it’s just…” He didn’t know how to finish. It hurt, but he would get used to it eventually. Captain was just too big for him to take. But Eren wasn’t about to say that.

Levi seemed to understand enough. He pulled all the way out, causing Eren to wince at the sudden loss. “On your knees, soldier.” His voice was way to soft to be taken as an order, but Eren obeyed nonetheless. He crawled around to his front, nervously turning his back to Levi. The elder took his hips in his hands gently, bringing the boy back to him. Levi spit in his hand and recoated his member. He then grabbed Eren’s hips with the same want as before, reassuring Eren that he hadn’t dampened the mood. Even with the pain, Eren was still just as needy as before. His dick throbbed pitifully between his legs.

Levi kissed the middle of his spine as he shook gently, “Next time just tell me,” he mumbled into his back. “What’s the point of talking if you aren’t telling me what you need?”

Eren hoped to god Levi’s interpretation of next time was the same as his. “Levi, please, I need to cum.” To prove his point, the boy pressed back into the older man, grinding his hips onto a very hard dick. Eren steeled himself and was going to take his Captain this time. It didn’t matter if it hurt, this is what the Captain needed, so Eren needed it as well. “I need you to fill me up, Levi. I need you inside me, please.”

Against his back Eren could feel the choked off moan Levi barely contained. His hands slid up to fondle the boy’s chest, earning a small moan, “That’s ‘Captain’ to you,” Levi growled into his ear. Levi lined himself up, “If you want it so bad, you are going to have to beg, brat.” 

Eren’s dick jumped with need. Eren looked back over his shoulder at his superior, meeting his eyes, “Please give it to me, Captain. I need you in my tight hole right now. I need you to split me open and make me yours.” He licked his lips, already feeling so fucking wrecked, “Please, please give me your big cock, Captain. Fill me up and stuff me with your cum.” He arched his back to entice Levi more. “I’m ready for you.”

Eren couldn’t help but scream. Levi slammed himself into Eren, rolling his hips against his ass. The new position certainly helped ease the pain. And Levi was able control their coupling easier. But it was still so much. Eren was overwhelmed with the sensation. It was as if he was being impaled one a steel rod that had no mercy for him. His hands clamped on Eren’s hips to force the boy back onto his cock. Each out-pull was long and drawn out, making Eren miss every inch that the Captain gave him as it was dragged out of his clenching hole. Then he would thrust himself back in with a quick snap of his hips enticing Eren to scream any matter of dirty pleads always attaching “harder” and “Captain” in somewhere. Heichou took up a quick pace plunging himself into him over and over again, making Eren feel it. Oh and he did feel it all the way to his toes as his Captain hit that spot inside of him. He didn’t have control of his body anymore and he let himself contort and scramble to meet Levi’s hips with each thrust. His whole body trembled, still begging for more. Eren’s arms couldn’t hold him up any longer and he fell to his forearms, allowing Levi to go deeper. They both groaned in pleasure at the new angle, Levi hitting his prostate with more frequency. Every rock of the Captain’s hips had them both moaning. Levi letting out little grunts that were fueling Eren on and had Eren moaning like his life depended upon taking his Captain’s dick. Eren knew he would feel this for days by the way his muscles on the inside and out tensed and clenched and did everything they could to keep the Captain inside his body.

Levi’s slowed suddenly making Eren cry out, he had been close again. His cock was an angry red and weeping drips of precum with every inward thrust. The Captain ground lazily into his charge, as he forced his legs wider. Levi laid himself overtop the boy, his arms coming under Eren’s arms to hold onto his shoulders. The Captain pressed himself in deep, not drawing back far, but focusing on the hard, inward grind. It took the breath out of the already breathless soldier.  
Eren didn’t feel like he was getting fucked anymore, this was something else. Levi was holding him so close, his chest plastered to Eren’s back. Levi’s grunts turned to moans as he continued this slower pace, rolling his hips into Eren’s tight heat. The boy squeaked when a hand was wrapped around his cock, rubbing at the tip and spreading around his precum.

“I’m getting close,” Levi mumbled into his skin. His warm breath against Eren’s back made him hot, he became aware of the sweat pooling in the dip of his back. And his rising desperation to reach his climax. Levi pulled his hips up higher, grinding in again. Eren was suddenly trying to escape from Levi’s dick as it punished his prostate. The little hip rolls left him in a continued state of pressing up against that spot. It was too much. He wasn’t ready for it to end. He tried to squirm away, “Oh no you don’t,” Levi held tight, the next thrust having more strength behind it. 

Levi’s hand around his dick kept pace with his thrusts, driving Eren crazy. “Levi,” Eren couldn’t stand it anymore, “Please!” His head dropped into his arms trying to mask how desperate he was.

Another harder thrust was given, “Please what? You’re—ah—going to have to be more…specific.” If Eren wasn’t so desperate for his own release he would take time to appreciate the break in the older man’s voice. 

“Levi, I—sir, please, please don’t stop.” The boy gasped. He was right there on the edge of the best orgasm of his life. Levi didn’t deny the soldier that, he rolled his hips again and waited for Eren to continue. Eren whined deep in his throat when he realized what Levi was doing. “Captain, please, you… are giving it to me so well. I want to cum. I need you to make me cum.” Levi gave another hard roll of his hips into the younger man. “Ahhh! Levi! Please! Please, please, please. It feels so good. Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop.” Levi did stop then, making Eren cry. His arm came around Eren and pulled him up into a sitting position so Levi’s hands were free. The younger sat on his superiors thighs, their bodies still pressed as close as humanly possible to each other. Eren turned enough for Levi to see how desperate he was for him to move again. 

Levi chuckled briefly, sweat dripping down his neck, Eren would lick it up but he couldn’t reach in the new position. “I’ve got you.” Levi kissed his shoulder as he began pressing up into Eren. One hand stroking Eren’s cock and the other moving back to his swollen, pink nipples.

Eren couldn’t hold still. He felt like he was falling apart with every touch Levi granted him. His voice was lost to the pants and pathetic string of “ah-ah-ah’s” he couldn’t hold back. He was overwhelmed. He was broken. He was put back together. He was desperate. So desperate. And Levi was the only thing that could satisfy him. He needed it harder, harder, harder, but he wouldn’t say anything. Because Levi was taking care of him and he was so overwhelmed. He needed to cum, but he didn’t want it to stop. His body was being racked with pleasure that he wasn’t sure he could handle much longer. But at that moment, Levi was his—his everything. What was breaking him, what was keeping him together, and what was pushing him over that edge. Making him something more, taking, changing him bit by bit, until he didn’t feel like Eren anymore. He was with Levi. This is Levi, this is Levi. He found his voice to beg one last time, “Levi—Levi—Levi. Oh fuck…Levi.” And Levi’s hips never stopped pushing into him, rotating and fucking him to hell’s door. His hands tugging at his dick and the other gently rubbing his balls. It was all too much.  
And when Levi bit out his name, Eren was cuming for the second time that night, arching back on the cock buried deeply inside of him. He had to drop forward to brace himself on the ground lest he fall right off Levi’s lap. Levi swore the filthiest words into Eren’s ear. The elder kept up the hard thrusts, milking every drop from Eren. Wrecking him. Levi pulled out carefully, leaving Eren devastatingly empty, and tugged at his own member quickly, eyes never leaving Eren. 

Eren flipped back over, grabbing Levi’s hand and stopping him, “In me.” He demanded.

Levi didn’t need to be told twice as he reentered him, taking a leg over each shoulder and folding the him in half. He pressed his lips to Eren’s unexpectedly, breathing in the boy. Their tongues danced together, Eren sloppy with post orgasmic bliss. Levi came like that, his thrust stuttering to a halt as he buried himself as deep inside of the boy as possible. The elder man’s face contorting in pleasure, biting his bottom lip and eyes barely open still looking down at Eren. Levi moaned into Eren’s chest as Eren encouraged him, whispering his name and rubbing his hands up and down his back. As the Captain’s release flooded him, it flooded Eren as well, filling him up with the warm substance. It was warm and shocking and had him gasping again. Because, fuck, he never wanted to leave this moment.

After a long second Levi released the boy’s legs, letting them fall around him and carefully laying himself down on Eren’s chest. “Not bad,” he panted. Both their hearts beating erratically in their chests. Heichou looked up to Eren then, shit eating grin taking over the Captain’s features.

This was bliss. Eren would claim to the day of his death that Levi’s clumsy smile was better than any orgasm and he had just experienced two very good ones. It was wide and looked odd on Levi because Eren had never seen it before. But stunning and, oh gosh, he changed his mind, he never wanted to leave this moment.

Eren chuckled softly, the sound reverberating into Levi’s ear. Levi smirked as well, turning to press chaste kisses across the smooth skin presented to him. Gathering his strength, Levi pushed himself off the larger boy and pulled out, wincing at the squelching their bodies produced. 

Eren shuddered, feeling the loss deep in his bones and the Captain’s spunk dribbling out. Levi nestled back up beside him, turning to his side to look at him. There was something intimate, more so than their previous activities, about being locked in the Captain’s gaze. The man never showed any emotion other than irritation, but in the silver-gray of those eyes, Eren felt like he was seeing something rare and beautiful. He smiled back at the man, happy to be let in.

“Oy, what are you smiling about, brat?” His hand came up to push Eren away, but not before Eren saw the barely-there smile. 

The Captain would surely smack him if he mentioned any of his thoughts. He contented himself with pulling his Captain back into his arms. “I was just thinking how it felt a lot more like love-making than fucking, sir.”

Levi’s smile disappeared at that and Eren worried he had said the wrong thing. Levi’s voice was overly soft when he replied, the usual sarcasm lacking, “It was your first time wasn’t it? I didn’t want to hurt you.” He paused for a second, “Of course if you want me to fuck you into the wall I would not oppose.” His usual tone was fully back in swing, “No pillow talk, brat. Get to sleep, we are leaving tomorrow.”

Eren couldn’t remove the smile from his face as he agreed with his Captain. But it did make him wonder, was there going to be a next time? And if so, would he get to hear that soft voice again that made his stomach flutter? He pressed himself closer to the man, soaking in his warmth and promptly fell asleep.

~

Levi woke to a heavy form across his chest. Fuck. Eren was still naked, curled up into Levi’s shoulder. The brat had a ridiculously pleased look plastered to his sleeping face. Levi couldn’t blame him for that, though. Anyone that had been fucked literally into the ground would be just as satisfied. And it didn’t hurt Levi’s ego as he remembered Eren’s squeals of delight the night before. His nether regions stirred, remembering as well. But, as much as Levi wanted to wake the boy up and see if he was still as eager to beg for his cock, he did regret what happened. 

The boy had been so willing to take off his clothes and spread his legs the first time, but those had been orders. Eren trusted him and his word and had readily obeyed his Captain. Then when he came back into their corridor Eren had been sleeping again, but this time in the midst of a dream. In this dream it was very important for Eren to get Levi’s attention because his sinful lips were spilling his name as he gyrated into the floor. At first Levi could only stare as the boy chanted ‘Heichou, Heichou, Heichou.’ After a long minute, Levi was able to calm himself down to the point that he wasn’t going to cum in his pants. He went to Eren and turned him over, trying to wake him up. Levi shook his shoulders gently, but the boy only moaned louder, thrusting his hips into the air. 

It had shocked him so much he dropped the boy back to the ground and was about to run away for the night when one of Eren’s hands had suddenly thrust itself up his shirt to fondle his own nipples. The boy’s body arched into a beautiful curve, his voice caught in his throat. Levi fucking snapped. He had to know what those nipples tasted like. He wanted to be the one to make Eren go speechless with pleasure. And he wanted to be buried deep inside the shifter by the end of the night. Levi hadn’t had a choice anymore; his need was too great. 

Levi carefully removed the sleeping body from on top of him. Eren whined slightly but didn’t wake up. It wasn’t that Levi was running away from the shifter or what happened last night, he just needed space. He needed time to think and breathe. Which wasn’t easy to do when the boy’s peaceful face was smiling up at him. He wanted to kiss him until Eren was very unsatisfied again. With one last glance, Levi left his lover enfolded in the dusty cloak and his t-shirt. 

Levi wasn’t gone long, filling up the bucket with more clean water from a stream not far away, when the roar of a titan sounded. He dropped the bucket and ran. It wasn’t a pissed off titan Eren, he knew that sound. A thirteen-meter class stood over the ruins, peering into a hole in the ceiling of a particular corridor. The beast’s face was concealed by the smoke put off by the tiny fire Levi had stoked before he had ran. Levi couldn’t feel his legs as he wove through the broken building. He felt numb everywhere; it was the same as when he left Isabel and Furlan to die. He had just doomed Eren to the same fate. 

Levi rounded the corner, desperately waiting for the bright light and screech of Eren shifting to his titan form. When nothing happened, Levi ran faster.

~

Eren woke up cold and sore. His back ached and his hips felt like they were going to snap in half if he tried to move. A deep blush rose to his cheeks when he recalled what—who had put him in this shape. No wonder it felt like he had ridden a sledge hammer, he could still feel the way the Captain had slammed into him. Eren hid his face in his hands, also remembering how he had begged for it. He would never be able to talk to the Captain again. 

Speaking of said Captain, Eren propped himself up on his elbows and looked around. So Levi had beat him in running away. Eren supposed it was fair, he would have reacted the same way if he had woken up first, probably. He also wouldn’t have been upset if he had stayed and cuddled though. Levi’s t-shirt was tossed on top of him so he donned it, closing his eyes at the very Levi smell. Carefully, he shifted himself onto his hands and definitely bruised knees, feeling something thick ooze out of him. He shivered both at the feeling and the pleasure that had gone into putting the substance there. He pushed himself up on shaky legs, like a newborn deer, and proceeded to fall immediately back down. His knees rattling off the stone floor. He sat there for a second, processing the pain and debating if last night had been worth it. A smile brushed his lips as the answer was obvious and he wouldn’t take back last night if his life depended on it. Being with the Captain had been… He didn’t know how to classify it without sounding like a love-struck boy. And he wasn’t that—love-struck—he had just been thoroughly impressed with his Captain’s skill. And it was his first time after all. Now he was most fearful that the one time wasn’t going to be enough to hold him over until he found a serious partner. 

But Eren suddenly had something to be much more fearful of than his libido. A single brown eye looked through the hole in the wall at Eren. An eye about a 1/3 of a meter in length, unblinking and unmoving. Eren followed suit and stayed in the same crumpled position that he had fallen in. How had it gotten so close without Eren noticing? 

They stared each other down for a long minute. ‘Where is the Captain?’ Eren couldn’t help wandering. Not that he needed him here to save him, but he hoped Levi wasn’t already snatched up by it. Eren never doubted the Captain, but he hadn’t had any gear… or even a shirt as it was on Eren for some reason. He just hoped Heichou was somewhere safe and far enough away not to get squished when Eren turned into a titan. The boy slowly brought his hand up to his mouth, the eye tracking every movement with little flicks in the muscle. He bit down hard, wincing at the sting of his flesh ripping and waiting for his titan to form. 

Nothing happened.

Eren didn’t understand. He was clearly goaling himself to defeat this titan and save Levi just like before. He waited a long second before biting again. Nothing. And again. Nothing. Panic gripped Eren hard, if he couldn’t turn into a titan how were they going to get out of here? How were they going to get back to the others?

Swallowing was painful in his dry throat as he began sliding himself sideways down the hall, away from the observing titan. He moved slow, so slow, he didn’t know if he could even pull himself up to run if he wanted to. When he got outside of the titan’s line of sight he breathed a sigh of relief, the titan screamed in anger. Its large arm flung into the wall, smashing where the men had spent the night in the throes of passion. The next arm came down on the other side of Eren, blocking his exit.

Then a giant, smiling face came crashing through the wall in front of him. The mouth was open wide, scraping in broken bricks as it lunged for Eren. The soldier jumped up so fast he forgot about his pain, rushing to the side to avoid the grabbing hand. He didn’t know what to do, the swords they made were the only things strong enough to pierce through titans’ skin and they were all out of those. But, he thought dodging bricks being spat at him, the eyes were easily enough to cut.

Forcing himself through the carnage and nearly missing being backhanded, he dived for the fire that Levi had worked so hard to make. Pulling a particularly sharp chunk of burning wood from the flame, Eren turned around quickly to charge the thing. The flame ate up the once white sleeve and burned into his skin. He tried not to think about it.

Distracted as he was, he wasn’t fast enough to avoid the next hand that smacked him down. The hand had merely caught him at a bad angle and flung him to the ground, but the hard landing still robbed him of his breath. He blinked, and the large mouth was quickly plummeting down to meet him where he lay. The flaming log lay three meters above him, he jumped for it, the titan’s teeth landing in the stone not ten millimeters away. Those soulless eyes staring back into his own. Eren thrust the make-shift blade into the eye, flames catching in the dry, straw-like hair. The titan screamed and jumped back as its eye and scalp was slowly eaten by the flame. It wouldn’t kill it, Eren knew, but it would give him time to find Levi.

As on que Levi bounded to him, panting with exertion, taking him all in. Still naked except for the burnt tatters of Levi’s shirt. His arm blackened with soot and raw flesh. A quiver to his legs that Eren hadn’t noticed when the titan was there. He wanted more than anything to be able to shift right now. He needed to get them out of here quickly. His arm felt like it was being eaten off very slowly. His fingers very stiff and not willing to move. He wasn’t steaming, his titan powers not working to heal him at all. He knew something was wrong. 

Levi seemed to understand and took his good arm over his shoulder, rushing them in the opposite direction of the burning titan flailing in the grass. They didn’t speak, just ran for their lives. Outside the ruins were long fields they knew they would be killed in if they were found. They ran hard, going north east to the best of their abilities. They hoped it would take them back to a wall.

~

Not even twenty minutes into their death march, Eren pulled away from Levi and collapsed where he stood. Levi whipped around, the boy was crying into his good hand, those teal eyes murky. A sharp pang ran through Levi’s chest. 

“Levi, I can’t feel my arm,” he sobbed. He never called him anything other than Captain or Heichou. His hand looked so bad. The skin on his fingers was black and peeling off into ash. Looking closer, Levi saw the burnt white bits of muscle tissue, and worse yet, bone. The boy cradled it gently to his chest as he coughed on his tears. 

Levi couldn’t think about that right now, he had to get them safe, then worry about Eren’s inability to shift and the large possibility that he would lose his hand. “Come on Eren, we have to go now,” he said gently, squatting next to him and tugging on his hip. 

That’s when they heard it. The loud clumsy stomps of an approaching titan. A big one. They both looked to each other, panic clear in their eyes. Eren’s tears had stopped with the cruel certainty of their demise.

“Eren, I’ve survived too much to get eaten in such an anticlimactic way.” He tried to laugh off his fear like usual or just replace it with the cool face of indifference. But something was different, he wasn’t going to lie at an hour like this. It felt like they had both gotten through too much to end now. He stopped his efforts to get Eren up, instead taking him in his arms. “You won’t run if I tell you to, will you?” Somehow Eren managed to smile at that. Hiding that smile in Levi’s shoulder and shaking his head, no. “Then we both get to die.” 

They both knew better than to think they would get out of this. From Humanities Strongest, there was no more hope to give. He comforted Eren the only way he knew how, he pulled him into a kiss. It wasn’t deep or desperate as it had been last night. A connection of skin was all, grounding each other. The footsteps grew nearer, and Levi pulled back, winking as he stood and turning away, “Run, please, keep going north. Someone will find you soon.”

Eren got to his feet, “I can’t do that Captain.”

Levi still didn’t turn as Eren approached him from behind, “I don’t care if you have to crawl, go now!” 

Eren laughed softly, leaning his head into the Captain’s back. A warmth that the Captain was quick to indulge in. “I don’t want to get found anyway, sir.” Levi turned at than, raising one eyebrow. “How would I explain why I’m only wearing your shirt to the rest of the corps?” 

Levi looked between them, he only had on his pants and boots, and Eren had on his button down and nothing else. Levi laughed at that, something he only did when he thought the end was near. Between laughs he gasped out, “Tell them you were—” he had to bend at the waste to breath, “trying to take a shit when the titan came running. They won’t think anything of it.” 

Eren smiled sadly at him as he literally whipped away tears from laughing so hard. But Levi also knew he was going into shock, excepting the fact that they were going to die. “Levi—” Off in the distance, Levi could see the titan coming for them.

Levi calmed, takin Eren’s face in his palm. Eren swatted him away before he could say anything. “Heichou…Its Armen.”

“What?” he says, looking off in the same direction as his charge. The titan that approached was indeed big, too big to be a regular titan. Possibly big enough to be the colossal titan. And for some reason, said titan had many figures clinging to its large mass with what looked very suspiciously like 3DM gear. “Fuck.”

“Yeah.” They both looked at each other one last time. Cataloging this moment for reasons they didn’t know. Eren was dirtier than Levi had ever seen him. Three days sleeping on the floor, being kidnapped, and then sexing him up left him filthy. Dirt smudges and probably Eren’s semen stained Levi’s usually white shirt. His hair greasy from running his hands through it too much and not bathing. But his green eyes still showed that hidden reserve of hope that Levi never saw run dry. His lips lifted in a half smile, “How are you going to explaining the jizz still leaking out of your ass?” 

Eren smacked him in shock.


	3. Chapter 3

Eren screamed, sobbing into Levi’s shoulder. 

Levi tried to comfort the trembling boy, but what could he say? He held his body as still as possible as Hange began sterilizing the end of the boy’s arm. After their rescue, Hange really tried hard to save Eren’s blackened hand, treating it for several weeks until the flesh started rotting and they didn’t have a choice anymore but to remove it. Luckily the right hand was the only thing damaged beyond repair. The burns up his arm were bad, but treatable. Hange was able to cleanly cut the hand off and leave the rest of his arm fully functional. But Eren was devastated, still not able to turn into a titan and now losing his dominant hand.

Hange carefully applied ointment to the stitches that held the wound closed and bandaged it securely. Eren whimpered in Levi’s arms. His face buried in the material of Levi’s shirt, making it damp with his tears. Not that Levi cared. Jean was helping out, holding Eren’s arm still for Hange as she had cut oh-so-carefully it the muscles and tendons. It was gruesome…and Levi had seen some things before, but this… he didn’t know if it was when the boy begged Hange to stop or when he had begged Levi to help him that his heart broke. Eren had screamed for so long he was surprised he still had a voice to cry. His left arm wrapped firmly around the Captain, fisting the back of his shirt.

Levi ran his hand up and down his back, trying to calm him. They had been at this for so long. Hange didn’t want to rush things, but it was agonizing for the boy. And scarring for the rest of them to watch. Jean had to close his eyes as he forced Eren’s arm still on the table. Levi had seen silent tears leave his eyes as Eren struggled hard against his friend. Jean had to put all his weight into holding the boy down. Levi didn’t think Eren saw any of them. He was heavily drugged but obviously still felt too much. They had given him enough sedative and pain meds to knock out a horse, anything more and they feared he would overdose. But the boy had stayed painfully awake. Eren’s eyes refused to look away from the blade that cut into him. That was when Levi jumped in, originally just holding the boy’s shoulders still. He sat sideways on the bench beside Eren, making Eren turn to embrace him and leaving his arm out to the side. They sat like that for hours until Hange announced that they were done. The blackened, rotting hand fully unattached to the body. Eren sobbed harder. But oddly enough the severed limb began decomposing as his titan body did when Eren was finished with it. Hange had immediately shouted at Jean to start taking notes. 

Eren fell asleep in Levi’s arms, well, more like passed out. Levi didn’t dare leave him. Hange took off her blood-stained apron and collapsed into the far corner, following Eren’s lead. Jean mumbled something about needing a drink and dragged himself out. Everything about the night was exhausting, Levi wasn’t sure how any of them made it through. He eventually decided to find somewhere better for sleeping off the effects of it. He carefully picked up Eren and carried him to his room, laying them both down on top of the duvet. As soon as Levi’s head hit the pillow he was asleep.

~

Levi woke to the sound of retching. The warm body beside him was absent; he jumped from the bed and scrambled into his private bathroom. Sure enough, the boy was dry heaving over the toilet. Levi dropped to his knees behind him, “Eren?”

Eren practically collapsed at his words, falling back into the Captain’s chest. He cradled the handless arm to his body, not really knowing what to do with it. “Captain, I don’t know what’s happening to me.” He sat on Levi’s lap, not facing him. Levi was selfishly thankful, he didn’t think he could stand to see the emptiness heard in Eren’s voice reflected in his eyes. Not again.

Levi wrapped his arms around his chest, because that’s all he could do. Eren sounded so lost. None of his usual bravado was left in his small, broken voice. Levi couldn’t help but blame himself for this, maybe that’s why he was being overly affectionate with the kid. They hadn’t talked about what happened before the attack. Levi knew he should say something, apologize at least, but with everything happening he had pushed it off. Eren was suffering so much for helping him. Levi knew if Eren had just left him to go with the Beast titan he wouldn’t have lost his titan ability, his arm, or his innocence. They all seemed to fall back to Levi being the cause. 

Levi supposed now would be the best time to get everything out—not for his sake, but for Eren’s. Make sure he knew who was at fault here, and that Levi was owning up to it. “Eren—”  
Hange burst into his room, “Levi! Have you seen—Oh,” She said dumbly. The boy flinched at her presence, curling himself up tighter around his arm. 

“Shit, four eyes, get out,” he snapped before he could process what he was saying. With wide eyes she quickly left, shutting the door behind her. He knew yelling at her would have its consequences but Eren was visibly relaxing with her gone. “She saved your life, you know? If it hadn’t been removed the infection would have spread.”

Eren nodded against his chest, “I know, but I had a…” his voice trembled slightly, “dream last night. It scared me so much I ran in here—” He doesn’t clarify what happened in this dream, but he doesn’t have to. “You should probably go get her, it needs redressed.” He waved the stump around in the air, blood soaked through the white cloth. 

Levi held onto him a little tighter, “Are you sure? We can wait for a minute.” Levi didn’t know what he was doing. Why he had become attached to this kid. It wasn’t even the sex that had done him in. Of course, the sex had been great, but it had just been a physical act. Levi was more worried about the subtle bond that had formed between them over something more enticing than bodily pleasure. Eren understood him. Not the Captain. Not the street rat. Not Humanities Strongest. Just him. Levi felt completely and utterly comfortable with the boy; he didn’t have to put up any fronts to impress or intimidate. He had never had that before. It was like breathing in a breath of fresh air.

Before Levi knew what was happening Eren was shoving himself in his arms. His voice weak and tears slowly staining his face, “Levi it hurts so bad. I—I don’t understand. Why is—my titan—why? I’m useless now, Levi. What do—I—I do?” 

Levi should be good at this now, dealing with an emotionally unstable Eren. But every time Eren came to him asking for answers it damn near ripped him to pieces to tell the boy that he didn’t know. He gently took Eren’s face in his hands and pulled him away from his chest, meeting his eyes, “You are not useless. You could never be useless, Eren. I thought I already beat that into your thick scull.” The tears spilled over silently, leaking from those crystal green eyes. Levi brushed his thumbs under Eren’s lids, swiping up the excess moisture. “I’m so sorry Eren, I should have been there.”

The boy closed his eyes, releasing more silent tears, “It’s not about that. I just—I want this to end. I can’t take all of the death and loss anymore. I can’t lose another friend. And now I have no way to protect any of you. I know I matter to you guys, but I don’t matter to myself if I can’t save the people I care about.” Little sniffles punctuated each of his statements.   
Levi hated the tears, hated that Eren was in so much pain. He softly picked up Eren’s bandaged arm, “I think this is proof enough that you don’t need your titan powers to protect people. You saved me twice that week alone, don’t forget that.”

“What should I do then, Captain? Wait until I’m healed enough and become the one-armed-titan-slayer?” His eyes opened then, reflecting so much pain and sadness, Levi took him into his arms again.

“If that’s what you want. We can start slow though, relearn the basic things like putting on pants and tying shoes, unless you would like to make it a habit of defeating titans pantless.” Levi could feel Eren’s smile against his shoulder.

“It did shock the shit out of everyone when they found us.” He laughed softly, “I guess we should go get Hange.” Levi picked up on the subtle shift in his mood at the Commander’s name. He didn’t blame the kid.

Levi had realized how much he liked to be selfish in those ruins. He cupped the back of the boy’s head and just held Eren to him. “I could try my hand at bandage wrapping? It won’t be as fancy, but it will get the job done.” 

Eren pulled away after a long second, Levi tried to hide his disappointment. “No, it’s okay. I’ve calmed down. Thanks.” Eren gently rocked forward off of his lap, turning slightly to give Levi a sheepish grin. Neither were surprised at ending up in similar positions as of late, but that didn’t mean they talked about it.

Levi stood and helped Eren up off the floor, taking him back to his bed. “Stay here, brat. I’ll be right back.” Eren smiled gently and laid himself back down under the covers, remembering to keep the bloody wound hanging off the bed. Levi’s lip twitched up unwillingly at the thought of Eren worrying about his cleanliness problem. Levi left the boy, quickly making his way down the hallway to find the ‘Commander.’

After they had been rescued, the Corps had made their way back to base, Hange taking care of the government with her new status as Commander. Levi had been left to deal with the remanence of the Survey Corps, that is, all seven of them. Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Conny, Sosha, and the soldier that begged for Erwin’s life to be saved. He didn’t bother learning his name. It was humiliating that the lunch room that usually held the entirety of the Survey Corps, two hundred plus men and women, only needed one table. 

But for some reason, Levi found them all ecstatic to be alive. They had survived the great battle of man versus titan and won. All but one, whom had shrunken away. He stayed in his dungeon cell room, even though that was clearly not necessary. He wasn’t eating. He didn’t respond to his friends. After the third night like this, he had gone down to the cold cell room, bringing blankets and two meals. He didn’t say anything, Eren didn’t seem present to respond anyway. He had removed his boots and lied down next to the shell of a man. Placing the food on the solitary dresser and laying the extra blankets over them both. Not a word was spoken until the next morning, neither of them really sleeping. 

Eren finally broke the silence just before sunrise, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Captain. I’m not well.” His voice had been so small, a shadow of his usual clear, demanding demeanor. “I should be happy with the rest of them.”

Levi had stopped him before he could go on, “Let them be happy. We will grieve.”

“I don’t even know what to do with myself now, if this battle is over, what are we to do? What will become of ‘Humanities Last Hope’ and ‘Humanities Strongest’ when they have gained their own strength, their own hope?”

“People. We’ll become people, who mourn their dead friends and show their sorrow for all that they have lost. But we will also move on, eventually, like people do.”

Eren had nodded, tears flowing silently down his cheeks in the predawn light, “Okay.” Levi then proceeded to force feed him the cold bread and fruit he had brought down hours before. 

Since then a bond had formed. Not out of sexual need, or even friendship. Just understanding. A mutual reliance that neither had readily admitted. On their bad nights they would find themselves at the other’s door, climbing into their bed just to feel the presence of another. To remind themselves that there was still a life to be lived and life around them. The physical existence of the other grounding them.

And then Eren had lost his arm, killing that piece of him that had hoped his titan power would come back. The boy’s fear and sorrow increasing tenfold. Levi knew it wasn’t losing the hand that caused him such distress, it was losing what made him Humanities Last Hope. He truly was no longer needed if even his titan ability had left him, Levi could practically read it on the boy’s face. 

Levi pushed open Hange’s lab door, nearly running into her. “Oh, so now you come crawling back,” She sneered. 

Levi’s eyes rolled so far back, he was afraid they would stay that way permanently. “Come on, Shitty four eyes, he needs his bandages rewrapped.” Hange huffed but followed after gathering up her supplies. 

~

Eren wasn’t sure how he had ended up in the Captain’s bed, but he was glad he was there. He didn’t remember much from the day before after they had given him the drugs. But his nightmare had seemed so real. 

In it, Hange had slowly tortured him. Taking her time to cut through each layer of skin, muscle, tendon. It had slowly driven him to madness. His throat burned from screaming in his sleep. And his arm hurt so much, like the fire had never left his hand. When he woke, he was sick from the pain. 

But then Levi had come in and held him and he could suddenly bare the pain. It was as if Levi’s presence gave him strength—made him want to be just as strong. Levi’s arms around him had been his lifeline. He never wanted to let go. Levi may have no longer been Humanity’s Strongest, but he was still the strongest man Eren knew. 

Eren knew what happened in the ruins was not out of love or even affection. It was just sex; a no-strings-attached form of release. Oh and how Eren had released, he shivered at the thought of the Captain’s body within him again. Eren wasn’t a fool and didn’t expect the Captain to run to him and declare his love after. And he didn’t want it. When he loved things, they were taken from him. Killed in vicious ways just to prove the point. He had lost his family, his home, his freedom. There was no place for love in such a world. 

He was, however, slightly disappointed that the Captain didn’t want anything more from him, sexually. The boy felt ruined in all the best ways by his Captain and he was itching to be thoroughly ruined again. An aching heat had settled in his belly after their return and had slowly been consuming him. He wouldn’t approach Hiechou about it though. He still wasn’t sure if he was attracted to Heichou because it was him, or because he had been his first and only experience. Either way, every time his Captain licked his lips he couldn’t help picturing those lips around his cock again. It was becoming a problem. Especially since his dominant hand had been out of use, jerking off just wasn’t the same anymore. 

Levi walked through the door then, his eyes raking over Eren. It was worse than the fire that had devoured him—burning him up. But Hange followed after him and washed that fire out. He felt bad for hating her now, but he did. He knew she wasn’t the reason he lost his hand. He was a dumbass, that why he lost his hand. He also knew Levi was right when he said she had saved his life. But that dream had felt so real. The pain all so real. She was tied to that feeling and no matter what he told himself, he knew their relationship would never be the same. 

“Eren?” she said cautiously, taking two steps toward the bed before being stopped by a look from Levi. Eren couldn’t help but smile a little as Levi crossed his arms over his chest and glared down his Commander. After a tense moment Hange gave in to her frustration, throwing her arms in the air, “Well I can’t very well change his bandages if I’m not allowed to get near him!” She matched Levi’s glare. 

Eren wondered what had gone down after he had sent Levi to get her. What Levi had said and what Hange had thought when she had seen them together this morning. Eren had practically been enveloped by the Captain, his body wrapped around his, settling his nerves. “It’s fine Hange, Levi. I just couldn’t process this morning. Sorry.”

Hange recovered quickly, reverting to her normal, bubbly self, “You have nothing to apologize for Eren. Levi was the one that yelled at his commanding officer.” She approached the bed despite the glare that Levi continued to send her way. “How much do you remember from yesterday?” She got to work carefully removing the bloody bandages wrapped half way up his arm. She peaked at him out of the corner of her eyes.

Eren coughed, shuddering, “Nothing good.”

Hange nodded like she suspected the answer, “Well then we wont talk about it unless you want to. But one thing I did find… interesting was how your hand dissolved to ash after it was removed, like your titan body does.” 

Eren didn’t follow, “An after effect of having the titan ability? When I die I disintegrate? So, what?”

Hange removed the last bit of cloth, revealing the disgusting skin wrapped around the end of his wrist, held there by huge metal staples and stitching. Eren gagged, Hange’s nose wrinkled in distaste. Eren had to look away. It was one thing to see the bandages, but his own skin leading to the rounded off end seemed too real. The bed dipped beside him as Levi climbed up on his other side, somehow looking elegant crawling over the covers as only Levi could. He silently slipped his hand into Eren’s. He watched as Levi’s thumb slowly glided over the back of his hand, he didn’t look back to Hange even as she began to speak again.

“I don’t think the shifting ability can just disappear if its no longer needed. Especially since you consumed so many of them. No, I think this is kinda like—do you remember when we were fighting Annie in the woods? And she focused all her healing power on growing one eye, so she could see? Well I think its like that. Your body is putting all its efforts into healing something that the rest of you can’t heal, or even shift.”

Eren stopped at that, looking away from Levi and his hand. What she was saying… “So, when whatever is wrong is healed, I will get my arm back? I’ll be able to shift again?”

Hange winced, “Ehh, I am just theorizing right now. I haven’t had time to properly study anything. I’m saying you could get it all back. But that would mean something terrible is going on in your body, like cancer.”

Levi’s hand froze in his. Eren didn’t blame him, he felt equally as numb. “Hange,” Levi’s voice wobbled as he restrained himself, likely from punching her in the face. “Don’t go saying stuff that pops into your mind without actually knowing. Eren is more likely to have a severe case of the shits than cancer.”

Levi flipped over Eren’s hand, his thumb pressing into his palm and rubbing soothing circles there, easing out the tension. Honestly, Levi’s behavior surprised him more than Hange. Yes, Hange had a knack for being right about these kinds of things. And if her theory was right then whatever it was trying to heal would be very bad for it to go on so long. Cancer may not be very far off, but it would heal eventually. Levi, however, wasn’t even looking at him and making him nervous. His hand slid from his palm to his wrist, messaging up his arm to his elbow then back down. Eren swallowed, hard. He was definitely not remembering what those hands could do to his body. Levi’s hands were the most scared hands he had ever seen—beat up from years of wielding the titan-cutting blades and living in the rough underground. He could feel every layer of scar tissue pass over his titan-healed skin. And he loved it. It was a map of everything he went through, all of the blood, sweat, and friends lost that got him here. 

Levi’s fingers briefly linked with his before drawing back and running over each finger individually. If Levi was trying to distract him, he was doing a damn good job. Hange and Levi were conversing and Eren knew nothing more than those fingers wondering over him. And Eren knew he wasn’t supposed to get turned on by this. There was nothing sexy about the casual touch. He didn’t have a hand fetish. But Levi always made a point of not touching him when he came to his bed on those nights. And that was fine and all. Eren actually slept on those nights. But on the nights he was alone, he was harder than the armored titans skin imagining Levi would come in and ravage him like he had before. 

Eren didn’t suppose it was purely lust fueling his fire, though Levi had been the one to light those flames. He constantly felt starved of contact, which was odd. Eren hadn’t felt that way since his mother died. Since then he had never craved hugs or touching, hell most of the people Eren knew he actively stayed away from. Levi though… Levi made him want to be touched. It was the little things that did him in over the past couple weeks: the brush of Levi’s hand over Eren’s stomach when Levi tied his pants for him in the mornings, a casual bump of shoulders when Levi knew Eren wasn’t in the right mind, a light push on his thigh when Eren would try to mount his horse. The touches no one notices that nearly shocked Eren out of his wits. 

Hange cuts the gauze and begins cleaning up the salve she must of used but Eren had failed to notice. “Okay Eren, no training. If you get your heart pumping too fast you could probably still bleed out and we don’t want that. I will need to clean and rebandage it at least twice a day so come to my lab in the morning and before you go to sleep.” 

Levi’s hand went all the way up the length of his arm then, his thumb running up the sensitive underside. It happened so quickly Eren couldn’t stop the breathy gasp as a shiver ran down his spine.

“And try not to—” Hange glanced at them, both of her eyebrows raised in question. Levi dropped his arm so quickly, Eren should have been offended. “Well I’ll just be going then,” she finished with a nod, scooping up her supplies and practically skipping out of Levi’s bedroom. At the door she paused long enough to remind, “no strenuous activities,” with a wink over her shoulder. A resolute bang left the two in silence. 

Eren got up awkwardly with the stiffy between his legs, “I—uh—I‘ll go. Sorry.” He felt the heat rise in his cheeks. He was such a child, thinking about that kind of thing with Levi. He wasn’t stupid, sex was just sex for Levi and he would find someone else to fuck that was more experienced and sexy than Eren, if he wanted it. Except his Captain grabbed the back of his shirt before he could run away. “Cap—”

“Shut up, brat.” Levi spun him around, catching his good arm by the wrist and holding him in place. “I thought we were keeping each other honest, Eren. If you are having issues, I can help you work them out.”

All the words left Eren. Was the Captain telling him he would help him with his hard on or did he not know what Eren’s ‘issue’ was. Instead of replying he decided to simply not make eye contact and hope that Levi would let him out of this one. He focused on the distance between them—casual—nothing Eren could overthink. Levi was a patient man though, and after a long moment he simply started brushing his thumb over his skin again. Goose bumps broke out down his arm. Eren decided then and there that he hated that man. 

Levi waited a moment more before a careful eyebrow rose, his expression neutral like always. “Don’t make yourself sick like that again, please.” He finally said. It took Eren a moment to realize what he was talking about because 1: he was trying really hard to keep his dick from making an appearance and 2: Levi’s voice was suddenly so soft he barely heard him. It was low and quiet and full of all the emotion not seen on his face. 

Eren shook his head, “I won’t let it happen again, Captain.” His eyes dropped unwillingly to the other man’s lips where those sweet words left.

“Good. Get jizz on anything and you’ll be rigorously cleaning my room for the next three years, I don’t care what Hange says. And get some rest, you look terrible.” Eren also hated how quickly Levi snapped back to himself after showing emotion. He didn’t give Eren enough time to fully appreciate that tone of voice. 

With out a second thought Levi dropped Eren’s arm for the second time in two minutes, making him want his touch that much more. Damn him, Eren thought as he climbed back into the bed, the Captain’s bed, and snuggled down under the covers. Levi collected his clothes for the day and deftly shut himself in his bathroom. 

Eren closes his eyes, his mind adrift. Should he say anything when the Captain comes out? What would he even say? He could simply tell the Captain he was right, and he needs his help. That would certainly boost Levi’s ego. Or he could be a bit more direct and tell him he can’t get off anymore without him. Levi did give him permission to pleasure himself in his bed, Eren could think of no greater pleasure than his Captain pressing—

The door opens on silent hinges, Levi no doubt oils them. “Why are you still awake?” he asks, though Eren’s eyes remained closed.

They open then and he tracks his movements across the hardwood floor. His terribly planned enticements for Levi fly away, instead what comes out is, “I’m supposed to get myself off and fall asleep within three minutes?” Eren closes his eyes again and rolls onto his back, “I will never be as efficient as you, Captain.”

In the long silence, Eren can practically hear Levi’s exaggerated eye-roll. “Scoot over, ya little shit.” Eren snorts and does as he’s told, making room for the smaller man. The Captain lays down on top of the covers, crossing sock-laden feet and promptly closing his eyes. “Don’t stare. It’s rude. I can’t stay long so go to sleep before then.” The soldier followed his orders.


	4. Chapter 4

The week went without incident. The mission was a success. They retrieved what had been in Eren’s basement and learned about the different civilizations out there. It was disheartening to hear all their struggles were caused by more humans and not mindless titans. So many died because of them, so many lives destroyed for nothing. Levi sank farther into himself, allowing his despair to devour him. Eren couldn’t help him this time, he was in no better condition. And with every day that his arm didn’t grow back, it only got worse.

Hange had approached him after they got back from the mission. She looked less energized than usual, making Levi panic internally. Something wasn’t right. 

“This doesn’t necessarily prove anything, but it doesn’t do much to deny it.”

She was going to make Levi ask, “What?” He didn’t have the patience for her today. Yes, the mission was a success, but what they retrieved only fucked shit up more. 

She ignored his glare and continued, “Eren’s problem with healing. The book confirms that the shifters get thirteen years with their powers before it kills them, Eren should have eight more. Therefore, whatever this is, isn’t his power leaving him. It’s something worse.”

“Worse how?” he demanded. She gave him a look but didn’t say it out loud. He needed her to say it out loud. “Seriously? Cancer?” She nodded. She knew how he felt about him, a blind man would. Luckily Eren was the blindest man he had ever known. They were too similar, yet so different at the same time. And it just worked for them. He didn’t want to force Eren into anything, he had already messed everything up by sleeping with him. So, he wasn’t going to say anything unless Eren expressed interest for more than his cock. “Is there something we can do about it? Medicine? Even at the other country? I’ll go right now if you think there is even the slightest chance to a cure.” He wasn’t lying. He wouldn’t let his happiness die.

Hange looked at him without pity, she knew he was serious. She knew he could go and be back in three weeks with a cure, if one existed. Her throat moved from swallowing. Levi closed his eyes. “Eren’s dad was a doctor and the medicine he wrote about in his journals was advanced, but nowhere what Eren would need if it was cancer. It talks about a few surgeries, but none of them have ever been successful.” She paused for a long moment, “It still is just speculation from the few things we’ve learned. But look out for dizziness, weakness, drowsiness, vomiting, blood in his pee… They’re all signs…” 

Levi knew it was coming. He never deserved anything, he had done too much bad in his life to ever find happiness. “Then what the fuck are we supposed to do, Hange? Let him die? Just like that? With everything that he’s survived? He’ll just die of an illness?” Hange couldn’t meet his eyes again, so he walked off. Didn’t look back as he wove through the maze of halls until he found Eren. 

Sitting at the dining table with his two friends, smiling though Levi saw through it. Eren knew something was wrong, that much was apparent. Levi wanted to take him in his arms again, undress him slowly and show him how much he cared. How much he wanted Eren to be okay. And do nothing else until something took away one of them. 

Eren had looked up at him then from across the room, dropping the smile. Levi knew he couldn’t live through that man’s death. Watching him go would be the end of the line. He was everything Levi had ever wanted to be and so much more that he could ever find in anyone else. He was Humanity’s Last Hope, but more importantly he was Levi’s Last Hope. And Levi could not be his strength this time.

~

The morning was already long gone, with Hange in the capital dealing with the government she had left Levi in charge. And with no titans to fight, Levi had made the executive decision to start training at a reasonable hour. Not that he would wake up any later, but this way he could watch Eren sleep next to him for as long as possible. He officially moved into Levi’s room the day after they got back from Shiganshina. All his clothes and personal belongings were neatly placed among Levi’s and his pillow placed on the right side of the bed. Not that he used the pillow much, many days Levi woke up to Eren smothering him. He wasn’t a cute cuddler, he was a I’ll-use-you-as-a-second-mattress kind of guy. Not that Levi minded. 

Eren would sleep in until the last minute, when Levi would have already pulled himself from the bed and dressed, he would throw something at him. Levi found it hilarious to watch him wake up shocked every morning. And, what could he say? he didn’t want Eren to know he like-liked him. 

Except today Eren woke up quickly, without prompt, and before Levi. The younger was up and running, leaving a bleary-eyed Levi in his wake. “Eren?” Eren was upchucking into their toilet. ‘No’ was all Levi could think. But he was up and joining him in the smaller room. “Eren? Are you okay?” He stood beside him, pushing the boy’s longer hair out of his face. Eren’s hand found Levi’s and squeezed. “Eren, what’s going on?” Levi didn’t want Hange to be right. He would take almost anything compared to Hange’s theory. It could easily be a bad strain of the flue that his titan body was trying to fight. 

Eren sat back after a long minute of waiting for a possible second attack, “I’m not sure. I woke up and just felt so nauseous. I got dizzy and knew I was goin’ to throw-up so I ran. Ha.” He smiled that sheepish grin up to Levi, “Sorry for waking you.”

Levi rolled his eyes, “Don’t apologize for being sick… Do you want to lay back down for a while?” Eren still looked a little green around the edges but sitting on the cold floor wasn’t going to make anything better. 

“Yeah,” Levi could see Eren mentally prepare himself to stand. He closed his eyes for a long minute, breathing slowly.

“If you’re going to be dramatic, I will just carry you. Come here.” Levi didn’t really know what he was saying or doing for that matter. Eren was a big boy, he didn’t need coddled. But Levi eased the younger into his arms nonetheless. Eren didn’t protest, his head burying in Levi’s shoulder as he was laid down on the bed. His arm around Levi’s back didn’t move even when he was resting fully on the matrass. “Eren?” Levi questioned softly.

“Just give me a second, okay?” His hand released the fabric of Levi’s night shirt but didn’t let up from his back, holding him to the bed. 

Eren could have all the seconds he wanted. Levi wasn’t sure why, but he was most comfortable like this, beside Eren. It wasn’t necessarily anything the boy did, he just felt solid. His warmth, his determination, his heart, it felt like home. Something Levi had never identified with. He had lived in abandoned rubble in the underground or the government provided quarters his entire life. Eren though, was everything he had ever needed and wanted. And he was sick.

Levi carefully adjusted them so that he was lying beside Eren, arms still tangled together. “As long as you need, brat.”

Levi watched Eren fall back to sleep, wondering how many more days he might wake up like this in the coming months, weeks. However long it took for Eren to get better, or not. 

~

When Eren woke up, it was well past midday. He didn’t know what happened, one moment he was sleeping deeply and the next he was too nauseous to function. His brain had screamed ‘up!’ and he was up and running. But Levi had been there, and he was fine. And now he felt fine. Several more hours of sleep and it was like nothing had happened. 

Blinking around the room, he noticed the long shadows indicating the late time. He rolled his neck experimentally, but the storm clouds that had dizzied his mind that morning were gone. No nausea. No vomit. He was good. 

And surprised. The captain still laid in bed beside him, eyes tracing over the lines of a book and thumb idly running over the end or Eren’s right arm. “Levi?” 

The elder jumped, caught off guard for probably the first time in his life. Then realization, “Eren! Are you alright? How are you feeling?” Eren couldn’t help but smile, since when did Levi worry about people? 

“I’m fine, but you’ve got to stop doing that. You’re driving me crazy.” 

Levi’s brows scrunched up in confusion, so many emotions Eren had never seen on him before. “What?” he asked, looking so different from the man that Eren called ‘Captain.’

Eren rolled over so they were shoulder to shoulder, Eren on his stomach and Levi on his back with the book laying on his legs. Eren curled a pillow under him so he had something to burry his face in when he said something embarrassing. “You keep touching me and leaving me to deal with it.”

Levi all but blushed, to Eren’s delight, “I—wha…”

Eren rolled his eyes, he had been meaning to have this talk with him for a while now, but complications kept popping up. He knew it was going to take a lot of balls on his part and it would probably only result in a quick kick in the gut and Levi running away. “You created this monster, Levi, you are responsible for feeding it.” Eren crawled over the stunned man, pressing himself into his thigh. “Or do I have to beg for it again?” He licked his lips slowly, knowing exactly what he looked like because he had practiced for this moment a million times.

Levi’s throat bobbed, “Fuck.” There was a distinct moment of hesitation before Levi’s hands came up to cup his elbows, then slide up his arms. One hand rested on his shoulder and the other continued its journey up to his neck. The thumb that drove Eren to madness brushed along his jaw stirring up something more than just lust. “If all you want is to be fucked,” Levi drawled out. Eren smirked down at his elder, ready to start begging as if his life depended on it. “You can go beg one of your girlfriends.”

That gave Eren pause, “What?”

The hand on his shoulder pushed him back even though he could feel a hardening dick poke his thigh. “I’m not going to be you fuck buddy. You can forget it. Like I said, find one of your little friends if you’re that horny.” Levi got off the bed and threw on his jacket, adjusting his pants.

Eren was stunned to say the least. He thought the Captain might be a little shy or angry at his bluntness because it was one of those things Levi never talked about. But to outright tell him to go find Armin or Mikasa instead was a little hurtful if Eren was honest. Eren wasn’t one to give up though. He took a moment to recompose himself before he stood as well. He stocked the Captain into the bathroom, removing his shirt and pants on the way. Leaving him in nothing but his undershorts that only exaggerated his need by the way it tented obscenely. 

The Captain was washing his face in a basin of clean water when Eren marched in. Levi’s eyes darted to him quickly before going back to the water. But Eren didn’t miss the shutter in his breath. “Levi, is that what you really want? You want me to go get fucked by Armin or Mikasa?” Eren moved in closer, pressing himself to Levi’s rigid body. The Captain didn’t move to even look back at him. “Because I think, you don’t really want that.” Eren’s hand slid around the front of his superior’s body, grabbing his blood-filled groin. “I think you know they can’t give it to me as well as you can—” Eren let his lips get close enough to Levi’s ear that the skin brushed with every word. “—won’t really please me. And I think you would be jealous if that happened because you remember exactly what it was like to fuck me—what I feel like inside.” Eren had no idea where any of that had come from, but it seemed to affect the Captain enough to make his breathing labored. And when Eren ran his tongue up the shell of that same ear, Levi’s breathing stopped entirely. His fully hardened cock twitched in Eren’s hands, the boy whined unintentionally, breaking the trance. 

Levi turned to face him at last, pulling Eren’s hips snug against his. He ground into Eren once, hard, making Eren arch into him. “I made a mistake in fucking you in those ruins. I regret it, and I’m sorry. I took advantage of my position as your superior and let my emotions get the better of me. If you need fucked that badly, you will have to find someone else to do it.” Eren tried to pull away at that, he was done hearing this. But Levi didn’t let go of his hips, keeping him in place and overly close. “I’m not done, so listen. Things have been different since we got back, or maybe its just me.” A shrug, “I don’t want mindless sex with you, it would be a repeat of my previous mistake.”

Eren shoved him away, “So all I am to you is a mistake?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“Yes, it is! I don’t understand! This past month, you… I thought you wanted more, but-” Eren didn’t really know. The Captain was a confusing man. They had been so close and yet, apparently, Levi didn’t really want anything to do with him. That’s when Eren got it… Levi blamed himself for Eren’s handless arm, his inability to shift. Eren hung his head, “If this is all about some kind of sick pity because I am now a one-handed, non-titan, you need to tell me now.”

Eren watched Levi blink a few times, “Eren, you still had two hands and titan abilities when I fucked you the first time. I don’t pity you, I just don’t think we should have a casual sex-based relationship. When have I ever pitied you, brat?” Levi seemed kinda pissed that the question was even asked, but Eren didn’t know what to think. 

“So, I’m not good enough now, is that it? Why do you treat me like this if you want nothing to do with me?” 

The hands on his hips wrapped around his waist slowly before the Captain rested his head on Eren’s shoulder. His breath tickled over the sensitive skin of Eren’s neck, raising goosebumps down the brunet’s arms. Levi’s voice dropped an octave, quite and just for Eren. “It isn’t like I don’t want to fuck you, obviously,” he added with a small rock of his hips, just to remind Eren of his need. “But if we fuck… I don’t think I will be able to keep telling myself I’m not attached.”

Eren felt that sink in. The Captain…felt attached? Was Eren holding him down somehow? No, that wasn’t it, the Captain would just tell him to fuck off and leave it at that, not invite him to stay in his room. All Eren could think to say is, “Attached?” Long gone was Eren’s heated anger, it was only confusion…and comfort—in Levi’s embrace. 

Levi’s sigh washed over the boy pleasantly, “I like the way things are right now. Something more would be…good, but not right now. We still have a war to finish.” 

Eren bit his lip, processing what Heichou was trying to get across, “You telling me I have to wait until the war is over to have sex again?” He felt Levi chuckle against him, “I’m just saying that’s a little unreasonable for both of us.” He pulled away from Levi then to look him in the eyes. Gray steel met crashing waves. Complete opposite but each with the same unmovable strength. “But,” Eren couldn’t help but lower his voice as he looked at Levi, “I don’t really want things to change either. I…don’t think I could go back to sleeping alone. I couldn’t ask anyone else to lace up my boots or help me into my pants. I won’t talk to anyone else about my nightmares, because even though they know what I’m going through, they don’t know, not like you do.” Eren realized what he said was a little embarrassing only after he’s said it. He smiled behind his blush and awkwardly scratched the back of his head. “So what I’m saying is that I depend on you too much for anything to really change. But I at least expect a handjob.”

Levi whacked Eren upside the head too quickly for him to dodge. “Brat,” Levi muttered heading out of the room. Eren couldn’t help but smirk as well and quickly got ready to follow the Captain out to the training field. 

~

Levi worked with Eren whenever he could when they trained. It mostly consisted of one handed sword fights and getting him use to using his left hand as his dominant. Levi could tell how frustrated Eren would become, but the boy never complained. He didn’t put the sword down until it was knocked out of his hands, then he would pick it up again. It was inspiring to watch him work so hard even after everything that had happened. But he still had his bad days, when he realized he couldn’t use the 3DM gear with only one hand had been a particularly bad one. 

Eren had first sat down and cried in the dirt for a few minutes and when Levi had tried to talk to him, he’d snapped. Eren told off Levi, and Levi had just been shocked. And a little hurt. Then Eren went on a rampage saying that he could indeed still use the gear, he just needed practice. And that had went about as well as expected. Conny and Jean had to practically rip the equipment off his body. One hand or not, he could still put up a decent fight. After that he had gone back to their room and stayed there the rest of the day. Mikasa made sure to bring him food and was able to talk him down a little. But when Levi finally came in, Eren didn’t say a word to him and made sure to always be facing away from him on the bed. 

It was frustrating for everyone, but no one gave up on Eren. When Levi couldn’t spare the time to personally help Eren on the field, there was always one or two people willing to spar. Eren wanted their respect back and he had it, Levi would say he never lost it, but Eren didn’t listen. His teammates took sparing with him seriously because they had to. The moment they held back, Eren would have them on their back with his wooden sparring blade to their throat. 

But Levi looked forward to the days he could work with Eren. He would take several minutes to just study Eren’s posture and fight stances. Watch the blush creep up Eren’s face and pants get tight before he would walk around him and fix his stance manually. His fingers lingering where they touched, then he would whisper something insulting or sometimes dirty in his subordinate’s ear, just to see that blush deepen. But his posture and form would improve by the next day, so the Captain found no reason to stop. 

Though Eren’s training was going well and his arm was healing, his sickness only got worse. Everyday he would run out of bed and throw-up whatever he had for dinner the previous night. It scared the shit out of Levi, but he was by Eren’s side every time. 

It made Levi realize a few things that he didn’t want to admit. He seriously cared about Eren, more than he thought. More than Eren knew. And he couldn’t watch Eren die. Not like this…not ever. So everyday Eren woke up and rushed to the bathroom was a nail, not in Eren’s coffin, but Levi’s. Eren was sure he was going to get better. ‘Hange’s usually right, so my titan powers will just kill off the cancer eventually. It just might take a while.’ Eren would say and just piss Levi off. He wasn’t taking this seriously, he wasn’t concerned for his life. And he didn’t realize how much his death would kill Levi. Levi knew he was being selfish again, but damn, someone had to be if it meant keeping Eren alive. Not that Levi could actually do anything to prevent his sickness from taking him. That’s what angered Levi so much, he was Humanity’s fucking Strongest, so why couldn’t he save the one life that he cared about most? 

The question kept Levi up at night, made him go talk to Hange, even though he knew anything she said was only going to enrage him further. Because he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t do anything. And he cared so much. And Eren didn’t care at all. About anything except being titan-killing-ready again, and Levi’s cock. 

The boy “was a boy” as Hange had said and, “full of hormones,” but that didn’t make it any easier for Levi. Not when he wanted something more—a real relationship where Levi could kiss him and hold him and love him freely. But Eren just wanted sex, and Levi understood that, and understood it was his fault for having sex with him in the first place. But it hurt when Levi had told him he wanted something more and Eren had assumed sex was it. But Eren was young and that made Levi even more guilty for trying to shove his feeling onto him. 

And Eren was sick, which made Levi all the more selfish. Eren didn’t want a relationship with him and that was fine, but the Captain couldn’t handle watching Eren die. There was no way Levi could keep his feelings repressed and stay by Eren as he withered away. So he decided to get rid of the feelings, they weren’t requited anyway so they had not point in staying. And Levi wasn’t going to abandon Eren and let him die alone—it just wasn’t happening. So Levi shoved those damn feelings and wants and dreams into the deepest recess of his heart where all his dead dreams and friends went. 

Levi didn’t change anything, he was still Eren’s support whenever he needed him. But he didn’t let himself dwell on the future. Or let himself relive that night in the castle. Or hold his hand at night while he slept. It hurt, it hurt so much for even the tiniest of distances between them, but it would hurt a whole lot less when that final day came. 

He asked Hange to walk him through it, every detail she knew of the process. How, if what she thought was right, then Eren had stomach cancer. It explained his loss of appetite, the constant nausea and vomiting, his abdominal pain. She said it would be hard for Eren because he would gradually stop being able to do things, he would get tired easily. He would eat less and eventually not want to eat at all, so he would weaken. He would lose weight. He might suffer from severe pain. And it will be slow, so slow. Hange couldn’t even guess how much longer Eren might have left. It could be six months it could be three years, but the signs were already prevalent. So probably closer to a year. She talked about how the cancer would spread because they don’t have any way to stop it, so it would eventually get to his heart and lungs and he wouldn’t be able to breath anymore, so he would just stop, and that would be it. 

Levi cried, he didn’t care if Hange saw him. He fell to the floor and cried into his knees like a child. He didn’t want this for anyone, let alone Eren. Especially not Eren. Hange sat with him quietly until he stopped then told him he should try to make the most out of the time he had left with him. It was the same as a slap to the face. 

Levi couldn’t face Eren that day, he had locked himself up in the one place Eren wouldn’t look for him—Eren’s old cell. Even if Levi did relay what Hange had said, Eren still wouldn’t take it seriously. He had his titan power, so everything was fine. 

But even with the titan power he was still showing the beginning symptoms of the disease, so the titan wasn’t able to protect much. 

Levi hurt. And Eren wouldn’t listen. And he felt like his home was slowly crumbling around him.


	5. Chapter 5

They went to the ocean three weeks after they got back from Shiganshina. 

Eren had to ride in a cart because of his constant nausea but that didn’t stop him from going. He wasn’t going to miss it, even if Levi damn near fought him. 

Eren knew Levi was worried and Eren felt bad, but he knew it wasn’t cancer at this point. Something else was wrong. It wasn’t just his abdomen that was cramping, his chest hurt too, and his head. He was always dizzy now. And food just wasn’t a thing he could consider. He ate as little bread as possible but would still throw it up the next day. And any water he drank would go right through him. He had to take bathroom breaks every half hour. His chest was swollen and his stomach was swollen and it was actually worrying him. 

He didn’t want to tell Levi because he was already freaked out enough. What was going on with him…Eren was afraid it wasn’t a human ailment. He thought it was something from his titan side slowly consuming his body. Whatever it was made him tired. So tired. And nauseas. And bloated. 

But it wasn’t like Levi could do anything to fix it. He had noticed Levi’s difference these last few weeks. Not much of one, but enough that Eren felt more alone than he had in a long while. It hurt, a lot more than expected. And he knew it had to do with Eren being sick. Eren just wanted to be seen as a person though, not as a sickness. Yes, he didn’t feel well all the time, but he tried not to let it show. He tried so hard. 

When Levi and him would get into bed at night, Eren would try to scooch closer to the Captain. Try to steal some of the warmth he missed, but the man would roll onto his side, facing away from Eren. And that hurt. 

Eren couldn’t help he was sick, he couldn’t help wanting the Captain to be close. But he knew it was unfair to ask this of Levi. Levi still had his own life and Eren was only a portion of that. He needed to know his limits. He needed to not rely on Levi so much.

~

The path they were going on was terrible. Mostly because it wasn’t a real path. The grassy hills and abundance of rocks for them to roll over left Eren in a continued state of wanting death. It took them two days on that damn wagon to get to the ocean, but when Eren saw it…he would have road twenty days if he had to. 

It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. And the sound…Armin had never talked about the sound. It was like a song sung over and over as the waves crashed into the sandy shores. They heard the ocean before they had seen it. Armin, Mikasa, and Eren sharing a look before they were jumping over the side of the still moving wagon and racing for it. They had stopped once they passed the tree line. The ocean stretching out before them like nothing they had ever seen before. It went so far out, they could practically see the curve of the earth. Just endless blue.

Eren’s eyes pooled with tears, silently slipping down his face. He could smell the salt in the waters and feel the cool wind whip through his hair. It was breathtaking. It was everything they had ever dreamed of and so much more. 

Eren turned to Amrin, equally as shocked, “Thank you,” he said quietly. 

The other boy smiled and nodded, patting Eren on the shoulder before shucking off his boots. “We’ve waited long enough, lets go!” He encouraged.

Eren and Mikasa quickly followed suit. Eren held his breath as the grainy sand slid in between his toes. Warm from the afternoon sun. Ten steps had him in the wet, packed sand, sinking softly, then the waves were crawling across his feet. Sand was swept over him as the water washed back out, slowly burying him. The water was alive, moving, tossing, receding. And cold, startling cold. Eren couldn’t help but laugh in pure joy as the water woke his senses—making him feel more alive than he had in several weeks. 

He jumped farther into the water chasing after Mikasa and giggling as she got pushed under the waves briefly. He never wanted to leave. He knew he didn’t have much time left before whatever was happening fully set in, but this is where he wanted to be. 

~

Levi stood just at the tree line watching the boy. He couldn’t deny it, even if he wanted to. That little, dark space in his heart had no more room for dead dreams and forgotten people. He was in love with Eren and had been since he rescued him from that damn titan. He just needed this moment to realize.

Eren stood out in the water, drenched from head to toe and laughing like a maniac as him and his friends continued their splash war. He was beautiful and strong and passionate. Levi could never convince himself that he wasn’t in love with the boy after today. It didn’t matter how sick he got because he loved him. He would follow Hange’s advice and make the most out of every minute he had left with Eren. Even if it would kill Levi after—he didn’t care anymore. He was the only thing in his life that had made him feel so much. Whether that be love or worry or anger or sorrow. It was so much more and so different from the rest of his life—he never wanted to go back. The ocean may have brought the light back into Eren’s eyes, but Eren had open the Captain’s eyes completely. And it hurt Levi to think that Eren wasn’t going to be here forever, but Levi still wanted everything he could get with the time he had left. 

Eren may only want sex from him and that was fine. Levi would take anything he could get to stay beside him. To keep that smile on his lips. Because he was Levi’s happiness and Levi was already addicted to it. 

~

Levi joined the rest of the survey Corps in the water, letting go of his inhibitions and tackling Eren into the water. They stayed there for hours, irregularly taking breaks and eating. Sasha even made a harpoon and speared a couple fish that they roasted over a fire. It was interesting. But fun. Levi actually had a good time, where he didn’t feel like their lives were in danger for once.

When the sun fell, they all oohed and ahhed over the bright colors that were produced against the waves. None of them had ever seen a proper sunset behind the walls. They cherished this one.

They set up their tents a decent way from the water and made camp for the night. No one questioned it when Eren joined Levi in his tent that night. They all knew Levi and Eren shared a bed at night if not more. 

Levi smiled at Eren’s outrageous grin as he pushed in the tent, “So, was it everything you expected?”

Eren just looked at him, breathless and exhausted, and collapsed. His eyes rolled up in the back of his head and he just fell over. “Eren?!”

Levi lunged, getting his body between Eren and the floor before Eren could do further damage to himself. Levi couldn’t get stable before Eren’s dead weight fell on him, so he toppled to the ground with the boy. Levi felt like a titan had stepped on him but didn’t dwell on the floor. 

Eren didn’t move. “Eren, please wake up!” Eren wouldn’t move. “Eren?” Levi laid him out flat and pressed his ear to the younger’s chest. A faint beat echoed back. Levi wasn’t as relieved as he thought he’d be. Eren still wasn’t responding. He pulled back the boy’s lids, Eren’s eyes didn’t focus. “Fuck,” he whispered under his breath.

Levi couldn’t do this. He was supposed to have more time. More time to process and accept. He wasn’t ready. “HANGE!” he yelled. It was late and everyone was probably laying down, but he wasn’t about to leave Eren’s side to fetch the women discretely. 

Fuck. “Eren. Come on. Wake up now.” He patted the boy’s cheek and combed his hair out of his face. His hands lingering to just hold him. He couldn’t go like this. Levi loved him. He loved him. And if he didn’t get to say it… It didn’t matter if he got to say it or not, Levi just wanted him alive. “Eren fucking Yeager, I’m getting real tired of this shit. Wake up.”

Eren was so still. Levi listened for his heart beat again just to make sure he didn’t hear wrong the first time. Eren looked so young laying there. And so sick. His hair and skin were dull and his arms looked thin. His whole body looked thin; he couldn’t hold down any food anymore. He couldn’t train anymore because he was too weak. Most days he just stayed in their bed. How did he not notice Eren had deteriorated so quickly? That the cancer had already set in so much?

Damn that women. “HANGE! Fucking get in here.” He ran his hand up over his eyes then through his hair. When he did, he felt wetness smear into his fingers. Levi didn’t cry. This wasn’t happening. 

Hange entered their tent in a rush. She still had on her uniform shirt but was also wearing her sleep pants. Levi looked up to her, silent tears streaming down his face like two twin rivers. He was a mess—clutching an unconscious man’s face and crying like a child. “Eren-”

Hange jumped to the boy kneeling on his other side and repeating the same procedures Levi had done. “What happened?” she asked as she proceeded to kiss Eren’s forehead.

“What the hell are you doing?” Now wasn’t the time for Hange to start having feelings. Let alone with Levi’s man. 

“Checking his temperature. Lips are more sensitive to it. Get me some cold water and a cloth, he’s burning up.” Levi got up in time to run into Arlert. He relayed Hange’s orders to the boy and went back to his spot beside Eren. She continued with her diagnosis, “He probably overexerted himself today. Didn’t drink enough water and was out in the sun too long. His body couldn’t handle the stress in his condition.”

Levi mentally cursed himself. He should have known. He should have been watching over Eren properly. But he was smiling and having so much fun. Levi hadn’t seen him so happy and full of energy…well, ever. 

“Get his shirt off of him, I want to do an exam—just in case.” Arlert came back in with a couple different flagons of water and what looked like Jean’s shirt ripped into strips. Levi knew Eren would approve, the two still bickered like five year old’s daily. Arlert was followed closely by Mikasa who immediately began questioning Hange; Levi toned her out.

Levi carefully maneuvered Eren out of his shirt, and gasped. Eren was visibly swollen around his midsection. Trembling hands reached for it, roaming over the solid mass. It was hard just under the skin, like a wall had been built to contain the disease. The bump stretched from just under his ribs to an inch under his navel. But the rest of Eren’s body was sickly thin. His ribs stuck out, each one able to be counted easily. The bones in his hips were prominent as well. And his waist seemed impossibly thin. If Levi tried, he could probably wrap his hands around a good portion of the boy if it weren’t for the protruding mass. 

Levi had never felt so terrified.

“Han—Hange?” His voice quivered as he cut Mikasa off midsentence about something less important.

The scientist finally glanced over, “Oh, fuck” she breathed.

Mikasa shouted Eren’s name. Hange yelled at Armin to get her out of there as she clung to her brother’s hand. 

Silent tears dripped down Levi’s face. It had been easy to pretend it was some common sickness Eren was suffering from until he saw this. He hadn’t wanted Hange to be right. But she was always right. He just didn’t want to believe it. But cancer. Cancer. It was so uncommon. And somehow Eren had it. Was dying from it. 

Levi crawled to Eren’s head as Hange patted around the mass, feeling the same thing Levi had—hopelessness. Levi doused the ripped up shirt pieces in cool water and slowly wiped the sweat from Eren’s forehead. He wiped over the boy’s chapped lips, down his neck, over his collar bones, and back up. He let the cool cloth swipe over Eren’s eyelids gently and felt a slight flutter under his fingers.

He pulled back hastily and watched as those bright teal eyes that held his heart opened a fraction. “Eren?” Another flutter and Eren was groaning loudly. Levi sobbed into his hands. 

“Eren? Can you hear me? You passed out. Can you tell me what happened?” Hange fiddled around with the wet cloth. Levi wasn’t paying too much attention between his ragged breathes and fountains of tears. 

Gods he hurt everywhere. It felt like his chest was too small and confining. The only way to relieve the pressure was through his tears. He hadn’t cried in so long. Years, decades. He loved this man so much. Why hadn’t he realized? Why did it take him so long? Eren, for all of his strengths and flaws and ability to get kidnapped so easily despite being a titan, was everything Levi needed in his life. He was the only one that laughed at Levi’s shitty jokes. Knew when he was being a hardass because he was a hardass or when he had to be. He understood the thrill and love for killing titans. Of getting out of the shitty fate life had for them…

“Levi?” Eren croaked.

Levi smeared his face into his shirt sleeve, “Fuck, Eren, I’m here.” The boy’s eyes widened, then his arms crossed over his chest before moving lower to cover his belly. Tears welled in his eyes and Levi knew he wouldn’t be able to not cry if Eren did at this point. 

“Oh shit, oh fuck. I didn’t want you to find out this way. I’m so—sorry, Levi. I. I—” His hand came up to cover his face. He hiccupped loudly behind his hand.

Levi didn’t know what to do. He never knew what to do when it came to Eren. He barely noticed Hange leave them with a hard look in her wake. “Eren, look at me.” Levi tried to hold Eren’s hand, but the boy refused to move. Harsh tears slipped under that hand. 

Eren shook his head, little gasps escaping from his uncovered mouth. Levi had never been good at expressing himself through words and that wasn’t going to change now. He leaned forward and captured Eren’s tear-salted lips in his. 

Eren froze. Levi froze. He hadn’t thought it through, he just knew he was done waiting. What he had been waiting for, he didn’t know. 

Why would anyone, for any reason, not want this? Though neither of them really started the kiss, neither of them moved to break their contact. Levi basked in Eren’s warmth and presence because now he knew it was limited. And he wasn’t waiting anymore.

He pulled back slowly but didn’t relent the contact. His hand slid up to cup Eren’s cheek, thumb brushing away the moisture. “Eren?” He finally removed the hand from is red-rimmed eyes. Levi watched as more of his own tears dripped off his chin onto Eren’s chest. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Why didn’t you tell me it was this bad? Why didn’t you tell me you were so sick? Why didn’t you tell me how little time we had left? 

Eren’s thin lips quivered, voice breaking when he finally spoke. “I didn’t think—I thought I was going to—” His whole frame rocked as his sobs picked up again. “Oh god, Levi. I don’t—don’t want to die. I don’t want to leave you.” Levi couldn’t bare to look into those storm blue eyes. They were darker and filled with so much despair and sorrow. All hope drained away. Levi pressed his face into Eren’s chest, finding a little comfort in the frantic patter of Eren’s racing heart. “I’m so scared, Levi. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to—to die. ‘m sorry. I’m sorry. I should have told you. I just—I was just… so scared.”

Levi was so in love with him. No wonder Eren could break his heart so easily. He grit his teeth and pulled himself out of Eren’s shoulder. He gently took Eren in his arms and pulled him up to him. Eren’s arms immediately wrapped around him. Levi found himself carding through Eren’s hair and pushing it out of his face, allowing him to press hard kisses to his cheeks, forehead, eyes… Where ever he could reach. “I’ve got you, Eren. You don’t have to be scared. I will never leave you. Shit. I love you so much Eren. I will never let you be alone.” The boy started crying harder. And he was just a boy, too young to die. Too young for Levi to have feelings for. But he did. “I am so in love with you, so we just have to be strong, both of us, just once more. For each other. So you have to stay here too. With me. Okay? You aren’t going anywhere, soldier. That’s an order.” Levi knew he was rambling, but he couldn’t stop. Eren wouldn’t stop crying and this was all he could do. He pressed his lips to Eren’s sweaty forehead and just held him as they both cried. 

After a long moment Eren pulled away. He took Levi’s face in his hand, to which Levi couldn’t help but lean into. “Levi, you weren’t supposed to love me.” 

Levi nodded and turned to press another kiss to Eren’s palm. “Do you really think I wanted to love a shitty brat like you?” Eren’s smile was so sudden it shocked Levi into momentary silence. “But don’t think this gets you out of any of your chores. If anything you will need to be assigned more so no one thinks I’m playing favorites. I have a reputation to uphold, you know? It’s already being dirtied enough with your name attached.” Tears still dripped out of both their eyes, just slower. 

Eren rolled his eyes dramatically, “At least you won’t have to deal with me long.”

Levi pulled away from the other’s hand at that. “You know what, now that we got our little tear fest out of the way, it stops. I’m done with all this angsty teen nonsense that you’re spreading to me. We’re the fucking survey Corps, we face death on the daily. I know its hard because you feel useless and can’t do much, but you’re still here. So be here, with me, even if its just for a while. If you don’t start acting like my Eren again I’ll beat the shit out of you.”

Eren actually laughed at that and it was honestly the best thing Levi had heard all day. “Jeez Captain, you know you can’t play off the ‘hard ass’ persona after you confess your deep feelings of love for me. It’s just less believable.”

Levi could feel his lip twitch up into a smirk, “You know I could kick out your teeth again and this time you would have to wait awhile for them to grow back. Then you would be the toothless, one-armed, non-titan with cancer.”

Eren frowned and Levi worried that he might of gone too far with that last comment, then he was being shoved onto his back, his head hitting the hard sand. Eren loomed up over him, “I might be disabled, and I might be sick, but I won’t let you talk to me like that, Captain.”

“Finally! It gets boring talking shit behind someone’s back when they don’t really ca—” Eren swooped down to kiss him. Slowly, not in any kind of rush. The last of the tears rolled down their cheeks, mixing together. And Levi realized why he had felt so anxious the last few weeks. It had felt like he was alone again, with his thoughts and worries. But now he was back home with the man he loved, for however long that may be. Levi wasn’t going to waste it anymore, he knew Eren was going to die sometime and sometime soon, but he wasn’t counting the days. 

Levi had never had a plan in his life, he followed whatever path open to him. But now his goal, his plan, was to make Eren happy for the rest of his life. Even if he had to sit in the sticky sand and deal with uncomfortable heat the entire time. 

Eren parted his lips and licked at Levi’s lips, trying to deepen the kiss. “Woah there, Eren.” Eren didn’t stop the kiss, “Don’t you think we should have Hange check on you real quick? You did just faint and had a pretty dramatic melt down.” 

Eren pulled back briefly, “What’s she going to do? Confirm that I’m sick? That’s pretty obvious by the way the growth is protruding from my stomach. Besides, I’d rather do this.”

Levi had a hard time arguing with that. But Eren had just fainted… “Okay, you’re still going to have to slow down a bit. I’m an old man, remember, and you’re not supposed to be doing anything strenuous.”

Eren visibly deflated, a pout creeping over his face. Damn brat. “Fine, can you just hold me tonight? I mean we sleep together every night, but like not close, so—”

Levi tried hard to conceal his smirk, but it obviously didn’t work. “Come here, brat.” He pulled Eren back to him and kissed him once more before laying down. They laid face to face, nose to nose, breathing in each other’s air. Eren laid on top of Levi’s folded arm, their arms keeping their bodies close together. 

Levi had said it. Told Eren he loved him. Admitted his feelings and balled like a little girl while doing it. It was exhausting, but worth it if he got to sleep like this for the night, if it meant more kisses that felt like coming home. It was okay that Eren didn’t say it back, Levi knew Eren didn’t feel the same way. He knew. And he didn’t need Eren to love him back. Eren excepted his feelings readily enough. And Levi had his plan now. How he would go about executing it, well, he would think on that tomorrow. That night, he slept. 

~

That night, Eren did not sleep. Levi loved him. He loved him and Eren was only going to hurt him more as time went on. Levi had asked him to be with him now, but Levi didn’t understand. Eren was sick and he knew now he wasn’t going to get better. He knew he was dying because he could feel his titan power draining. It was like something was slowly sapping his energy, his strength. He knew he only had about year left, probably less.

Eren wanted to let Levi love him. He wanted that more than anything really. Because Eren loved his Captain. He was everything that Eren was not and so much more. He was the thing that had always been missing in Eren’s life. That little void that he had never been able to fill on his own. But, he loved the man. He couldn’t hurt him and Eren knew how much it would hurt Levi to watch him die. He wouldn’t make Levi do that. He wouldn’t let him. 

Eren knew what he had to do. Even if it would be the worst thing he had ever done in his life.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me forever. I'm finally done with my summer class so hopefully i will be getting the chapters out quicker. There isn't a whole lot of plot in this chapter, but I thought we could all use a break from it. Next one will be hella plot-filled.

Eren couldn’t sleep anymore, not since he had come up with the idea. He had too much to plan. Too much to get ready. And it all had to be timed very carefully or lese Levi would find out.

The day after he had passed out on the beach was the only day Eren had and would have away from Levi, and Eren knew that. The Survey Corps actually had to do some surveying to report to the government so their vacation at the beach was over. But Levi had insisted that Eren stay behind, he hadn’t wanted Eren to get sick and pass out again. Eren protested weakly to put up an appearance but was firm in his request for Armin to stay behind with him. Levi had wanted to stay but Eren made a strong argument of his required presence with the rest of the troops. 

That day Eren was spent relaxing in the shade and watching the water flow in and out. And planning, lots of planning. Eren didn’t waste time warming Armin up to anything, he didn’t have time. As soon as Levi was out of sight, Eren turned to Armin, “I will never ask anything of you again, so please do me this one favor.” 

Armin had been shocked, upset, angry, and shocked again, but he reluctantly agreed in the end and the rest of the day had been busy. 

Eren had just confronted Mikasa. He hadn’t wanted to tell her, but he could reason more with her than he could Levi. And he knew Levi would never be on his side with this. No matter if Levi loved him. 

It only made this harder.

Mikasa had been as pissed as he thought she would be. But she came around too. Of course, Eren had to resort to tears to get her to understand, but eventually she did. Even if she hated him for it, she understood. 

Now Eren laid in bed, Armin and Mikasa finishing the preparations so Eren had this time left with Levi. But he was wasting it. He didn’t know what to say, what to do, where to start. Levi had had it easy in telling him he loved Eren. If Eren said he loved Levi, it would only hurt Levi so much more when the time came. And that time was tonight.

Eren let Levi hold him at night again, even though he knew he was being selfish. Laying, nestled in Levi’s arms, feeling so safe and warm. But so empty on the inside. Eren was going to hurt Levi, bad. And it would only be worse with this—closeness. Eren craved it so much though. Needed it to keep him sane. And maybe it was unfair to Levi.

This was going to be just as hard for Eren as it was Levi. Eren decided they could handle his selfishness for one night. It was his dying wish after all.

~

Levi was gently shaken awake late into the night. 

His blurry eyes slowly adjusted to the low lighting in the room. Eren was curled up against him, shaking his shoulder, but not looking at him. “Wha—Eren, you okay? Are you sick?” Levi pushed up from the bed, ready to jump for whatever Eren needed. 

Eren’s arm slipped down off his shoulder, the boy seemed to curl tighter into himself. “I’m fine, Levi.”

Levi relaxed then, letting sleep slowly drag him under again. “What’s going on then, hmm?” Levi wrapped one arm firmly around Eren, pulling the boy into his chest.

“Levi,” And something about Eren’s voice made Levi abruptly awake, “I—I want you to hold me tonight.” Eren pressed his face to Levi’s chest before he could read into what the boy was saying.

Levi swallowed, getting it. “You mean you want to have sex? Now?” Eren fidgeted against him and Levi assumed that was a nod. “Eren, I don’t think now—”

His ruffled mop of hair popped up again, “I’m not getting better Levi. And I don’t want our last time, our only time, to be in that abandoned building. I just—don’t know how much longer I’ll even have the strength to do that kind of thing.”

His eyes looked so sad. Levi could hardly stand to see it. He closed his eyes for a long minute before nodding. Levi still hadn’t accepted it. Not like Eren had. How he could just be okay for the impending end. “Okay.”

Eren smiled that lopsided smile of his before reaching for Levi’s face to pull towards himself. Their lips clashed together a lot more forcefully than either had planned. Levi certainly craved the other’s touch. Perhaps he needed this as much as Eren. 

Their lips glided over each other’s without pause. Hunger and desperation and need apparent. Levi pulled back, breaking their kiss just this once. “Eren, are you sure about this? Because I don’t think I’m going to be able to control myself if we go any farther.” 

When Eren nodded eagerly, Levi didn’t waste any more time. He kissed the brunet again, putting all of his hopes and fears into that kiss. Levi would take his time with Eren tonight, he didn’t want to rush things. This wasn’t about fucking, this was Levi saying he loved Eren with his entire being—how their first time should have been. 

Eren tried to deepen the kiss but Levi didn’t let him. Levi was in control, no matter how much he was reeling on the inside, holding on to Eren’s jaw and the back of his neck. His lips slowly reddening, “Levi, please.”

Levi chuckled, “You aren’t very patient, are you?” Eren fumbled with the hem of Levi’s shirt, as if to prove his point.

“You made me wait over two months! I told you, you were driving me crazy.” He pulls Levi’s shirt up and Levi allows him to pull it the rest of the way off. 

Levi’s hands immediately reattached to Eren’s skin as soon as his shirt was off, “Well you’ve been driving me crazy too.” Levi none-to-gently kissed down Eren’s neck. The boy tossing his head back to give Levi more access.

“Oh?” The body under him writhed as Levi’s hands found Eren’s nipples through his shirt.

Levi licked at his color bone, “Mmmhhmm, it really gets me going when you masturbate in the middle of the night when you think I’m asleep.” Eren’s pulse quickens against Levi’s lips, “The way you whine my name, trying so hard to be quiet, wakes me up every time. Then I have to wait for you to orgasm and pass out before I can take care of myself. Really drives me up the wall.” Levi pulled back enough to see Eren’s face after his little confession.

Eren had a habit of getting a deadpan expression when he didn’t know what to say. Mostly because he always had something to say, so when he was shocked speechless he didn’t have an expression to put with it. It was adorable. And the way his face gradually became more and more red—Levi laughed softly. Eren made that expression then before pulling Levi in to an urgent kiss. Levi chuckled into his mouth and let the boy’s tongue explore his. It was sloppy and hastily done, but Levi had craved those kisses in the past months. 

When Levi was thoroughly kissed breathless, he pulled away, panting. “I’m serious. You will pay for every sleepless night you caused me.” Eren nodded not really getting it. “Strip.” Levi said, repeating what had started this mess. 

Eren groaned in the back of his throat, still lost for words. “Are you going to take off your clothes or am I going to have to do it for you, Eren?” Eren’s hand dropped down immediately to his own pants, expertly undoing the button with one hand now. Levi peeled off the youngers shirt and threw it to the far side of the room. Levi paused to take in the already hot and bothered man. His lids were low and lips puffy and skin still warm from the sun. His body, so long and lean laid out before Levi. The small mass on Eren’s stomach not taking from his beauty.

Levi’s lips went to Eren’s nipples because the boy made the best noises when he was getting his nipples sucked. Eren didn’t disappoint. 

Eren trapped Levi to his chest with his arms and bit his lip, watching as Levi sucked and nibbled at the bud. “Levi—” he gasped, “they’re sensitive—don’t be so rough.” 

Levi popped off at that, “What’s got you so sensitive, Eren?” The Captain’s tongue trailed up his ribs, slowly circling an areola. “Has someone else been playing with them?”

Eren squeezed his eyes closed, holding in everything but small squeaks, “No, no, Levi—oh god—I only want you. I’m just sensitive, everywhere.”

Levi couldn’t help but be pleased at that. He knew that Eren really wouldn’t go to Mikasa or Armin, but a small part of him had wondered. Levi rewarded him with a quick kiss to his lips, making the boy moan. “You want the rest of the squad to here you?”

Eren pushed away, “Maybe we shouldn’t…”

Levi raised his eyebrow, “You want to stop?” 

“No, definitely not.” Levi took his pants and pulled them down the younger’s thighs, revealing smooth skin. Levi pulled the pants all the way down to Eren’s ankles, holding them while the boy crawled out, kneeling in front of Eren.

Eren trembled gently as the man took both calves in front of him, squeezing the muscle lightly, “On your back then soldier.”

Eren was so beautiful. His long golden-brown legs stood strong in front of him, perfectly muscled and a little on the thin side these days. Eren laid down before the Captain, unsure of where and how to position himself. Levi didn’t let him struggle long, he took Eren’s legs back in his hand and rested them on either side of his hips. Taking the left one, Levi lifted it to his lips, trailing his tongue up to his knee. Pressing delicate kisses on the inside of his thigh. When the boy started squirming, Levi glanced back up to him. He had his hand clamped tight over his mouth muffling his pathetic whimpers. His long, dark eyelashes fluttered open to look down at Levi, teal eyes hazy with lust. Levi’s pants tightened at the image. 

Levi wanted to take his time, but Eren had a way of riling him up. 

He dipped his head back down, traveling back up his leg until he reached his hip bone. He left several marks there, punishment for almost causing Levi to cum his pants. The boy didn’t want to move the hand over his mouth, but Levi could practically feel ghost fingers comb through his hair. He grabbed Eren’s hesitant arm still reaching for him, placing it around his neck. “Tell me what you want, brat.” 

The brunet nodded and pressed Levi back against his skin, forcing him to his cock. “Please, Captain, I want you so bad.” It was no more than a broken whisper.

The Captain kissed closer as instructed, blood on fire with Eren’s words, but he didn’t touch the other man’s cock. He purposefully avoided it, instead pressing kisses to his lower belly and around the dark brown hair growing there. 

Eren practically purred at the man’s ministrations, “Ah—Levi—don’t stop, feels good.” Levi glanced curiously back up at Eren, precum leaking down his pink cock. “I told you I was sensitive,” was his only explanation.

Levi nodded and was quick to fulfil his lover’s wishes. He kissed up his abdomen to his navel, spending time thoroughly licking it out. The boy’s hand returned to his mouth at that, suppressing growing moans. He kissed at the base of the mass disfiguring Eren’s belly, lips traveling along the gentle curve causing the boy further pleasure.

“Turn over?” Levi asked when the boy could hardly take it much longer. Eren followed his orders and tucked a pillow under his arms, ass up and on his knees. Levi marveled at the creamy globes presented before him, squeezing and manhandling him for a moment before he got to work, fishing a bottle of oil out of his nightstand drawer. 

Levi had never done this before, but he had been with enough females to know somewhat what he was doing. And if Eren was as sensitive as he kept saying, this would go over well. 

Levi had a brief moment of “what the fuck am I doing” before he decided just to go with it. He leaned down and let his breath dance along Eren’s exposed skin. The boy practically jumped out of his skin, turning back to look at Levi in astonishment. Levi gave him a cheeky wink before dragging his tongue over his entrance. 

Eren cried. 

“Eren, you’re not a virgin anymore, remember? I took that from you so stop acting like one.” With each buttock in a hand, Levi spread Eren open allowing him to continue to do questionable things. He let the boy’s trembling calm down as he kept a stead rhythm using the flat of his tongue. But as soon as the boy’s tension eased, Levi was wiggling his tongue into that heat. Feeling the silkiness of his inner walls and curling his tongue into it. 

Eren was an absolute fucking mess. His face was firmly pressed into a pillow biting it to keep from screaming. Levi would rather he just scream. Levi doubled his efforts in licking as far in as he could. Eren’s opening trembled around his tongue, squeezing it tight. Levi moaned wanting to feel that around his dick. 

Levi pulled back reluctantly and watched the ring of muscles wink at him, briefly showing him Eren’s pretty pink insides. Eren’s hips canted back towards Levi with a purpose. Levi got the hint and didn’t leave his lover hanging. Levi dropped his head back down to suck gently on the skin between the boy’s balls. Eren’s whole body shook silently when Levi started to rub the sensitive skin just behind his balls. 

The helpless whimpers fell from Eren’s mouth without further thought. Eren’s skinny legs trembled, trying to keep his wreaked frame from toppling over. Levi’s hand continued to tease as his lips slowly worked back to Eren’s cute little hole. Eren’s back arched in a lovely concave, hips pressing up to meet Levi’s harsh tongue going down on him. When Levi finally wiggled it back into the fluttering entrance, he sucked the rim. Hard. 

“Levi—nhhh—I’m—‘m gonna…” Eren’s hips pushed hard into Levi’s face.

“Oh no you don’t.” Levi pulled back quickly and grabbed the boy’s cock, holding him firmly at the base and preventing his orgasm. 

Eren ripped apart the pillow he had been white knuckling with a desperate cry. No, it was Levi’s pillow that had been destroyed. Levi chuckled, low and dirty. “Oh, baby boy, you are going to pay for that.” 

Eren scrambled for something new to grab onto as Levi changed his own position. He shifted the boy’s legs apart more and maneuvered himself down between them on his back. Eren glanced down quickly—panicked—at what Levi was going to do to him next. Levi wrapped his hands around the boy’s hips and pulled him down until he could suckle at the tip of Eren’s cock. 

“Levi, Levi, Levi, Levi, Levi,” He was practically shaking out of his skin. Levi laughed around the dick. He had been wondering where the man’s voice was. Levi lavished the pulsing tip, slipping his tongue into the slit and digging in. He relished in the barely concealed screams Eren was making. Levi didn’t take anything more than the head into his mouth, alternating between sucking hard and tormenting that little slit. Thick, fat drops of precum leaked onto Levi’s waiting tongue.

Levi fiddled with the cork in the bottle of oil for a moment as he paid most of his attention to the dripping length in his mouth. When he finally got the thing open he dumped a good portion into his hand that quickly found Eren’s entrance. Still damp and loose from Levi’s previous work, his finger easily slid all the way in. Eren stopped trying to shove his dick down Levi’s throat, tensing up everywhere as Levi curled that finger and twisted hard. The cock head Levi had been lapping up was suddenly spraying its thick semen into his mouth. 

Levi swallowed it as quickly as it came. His dick twitched hard in the confines of his pants. It wasn’t as if he had forgotten about his own need, he had just put Eren’s need before his. But now that Eren was momentarily satisfied and his belly was filled with Eren’s warm semen, his dick was ready to explode. Levi didn’t even bother taking himself out of his pants, he was too close already. He dug the heel of his palm into his shaft exactly four times before he was cuming. Moaning around the cock still in his mouth and squeezing Eren’s ass to ground himself from the sudden high. Eren so fucking wrecked on top of him, the sounds of the other man’s pleasure, it had all been too much. The pleasure had built up and came crashing back down all to fast. It was the hottest thing Levi thought he had ever done, getting so close to completion just by giving and watching his lover come undone.

Eren pushed off of him and fell to Levi’s side. Each one of Eren’s muscles trembling from the force of his orgasm. Eren’s head rolled to the side, “Well that was…unexpected.” His green eyes were bright and pupils well dilated. His chest heaved and whole body trembled with each breath. 

Levi laughed and scooted closer to snuggle up to the sweaty man, “If I knew you responded so well to that, I would have tried before,” Levi panted. He wiped his cum-sticky face with the back of his arm and was mildly embarrassed by much he liked sucking Eren’s dick. Not embarrassed enough to never do it again, of course.

Eren’s arm wrapped around his shoulder, pulling him to his chest. Levi flipped to his side and curled up against him. “No…” Eren drawled out, “That was enjoyed, greatly. I was talking about you cuming in your pants. That was definitely unexpected.”

Levi actually felt heat rise to his cheeks. He hadn’t done something like that since he was a kid. “You do realize I’m not done with you yet, right?”  
“Oh, I’m counting on it. I don’t want to be able to walk tomorrow.”

Levi groaned, loving Eren more with each dirty word that spilled from his mouth. “I don’t think you could now, baby boy.” Levi fumbled through the sheets until he found the half used, slightly spilt bottle of oil. 

Before Levi went any further he took off his cum-soiled pants and underwear, shucking them off before crawling back into Eren’s arms. Eren marveled at Levi, eyes glued to his body. Levi was a little creeped out. “What are you looking at you little shit?”

Eren’s eyes ate him up like a starving man. “Well, last time you didn’t really take off your clothes, so I never really got to see…” the boy lets his arm drag up Levi’s toned abdomen. 

Levi has to look away from abundance of emotion in the other man’s eyes. “Don’t get all emotional on me, brat. You know I don’t deal well with things like feelings.” His hand snatches up Eren’s wrist and places it over his rapidly beating heart anyway. 

Eren laughs lightly, pressing a kiss to the back of Levi’s hand, “I was just going to say you’re pretty.”

“Damn right I’m pretty.” Levi smiled and caught Eren’s lips between his. He let this kiss go wild. Didn’t restrain it in the least. Sucking. Biting. Tongue. It all got lost in the mix. Each just reacting to the other.

Levi took this moment to slip his oil-slicked fingers back into Eren. The boy bit down hard on Levi’s bottom lip he had be sucking on, groaning out his pleasure or surprise. 

Eren’s cute ass was definitely looser than it had been when they started but nowhere ready to take in Levi. The muscle was just loose enough to wiggle a second finger in, causing the boy to squirm. 

“Le—vi,” The boy panted, his hand gripped Levi’s arm that wasn’t working Eren open. Levi none-too-gently thrust his fingers into him, wanting his dick to be there instead. It would take Levi a few minutes before he could get it up again, but as soon as he was hard again he needed Eren to be prepared. He had restrained himself for too long, and he was too desperate to wait any longer. Eren’s hand clamped down harder on Levi’s bicep, lips trembling, “Not so hard, I’m—nnnhhh—sensitive. It hurts.” He gasped loudly when Levi finally found his prostate.

It took Levi a minute to process Eren’s words, then he stopped cold. “Oh, fuck Eren. I am so sorry.” He withdrew his fingers slowly now. “We can be done. Sorry—”

Eren’s other arm hooked behind Levi’s elbow, stopping him from pulling out all the way. “No, no, no. You can’t stop now.” He breathed deeply through his nose, trying to calm his panting. “Don’t want you to stop.” Levi relaxed slightly but still was prepared to end it then if Eren didn’t do a better job of convincing him. “Just go slower, please. I don’t want to be done.”

Levi nodded and carefully thrust his fingers back, returning to that spot that made Eren keen. He pressed at that spot, rubbed it, and didn’t take the pressure away until Eren’s toes were curling and his entire body trembled with pleasure. 

Levi needed to be more careful. He was desperate, yes, but Eren was what mattered here. Levi kept that in mind as he slipped the third finger in and returned his lips to Eren.

Eren moaned deep in his throat, legs coming up to wrap around Levi. Eren pulled back from their hungry kiss, “Get on with it Levi. I’m done waiting.”

Levi spread the fingers inside Eren, eliciting a sputtering gasp. Levi chuckled, “You know, last time you were much cuter. You begged so well for my dick, I almost forgot I was taking your virginity. Now, you’ve become spoiled. You’re use to getting what you want, brat.” Levi pulled out his fingers and wiped them clean on the sheets. “I’ll need to see a little more effort, honey buns.” He grabbed a handful of Eren’s ass just to tease him further. 

Eren arched into Levi’s touch but kept an impressive glare up, “How do people not realize how needy you are?” Levi didn’t respond other that the one eyebrow going up. Eren rolled his eyes but smiled, “Fine.” Eren pulled himself up, Levi sitting up as well to make room for him. With one quick move, that Levi didn’t realize Eren was capable of carrying out in his state, Eren flipped them over. He straddled Levi’s hips and shamelessly took his own hard dick into hand. 

Levi’s hands gripped Eren’s hips hard enough to bruise. And he was speechless. Eren loomed over him with such a proud smile that dropped quickly when he started stroking himself. Levi felt like he had been entranced. There was a vixen sitting on his lap taking his own pleasure, watching Levi’s reaction the entire time. Levi had to look like a fool the way his mouth hung open and eyes practically popped out of his head. Oh god, but it was so hot Levi almost came again. His once again aching cock was trapped between his body and Eren’s.

Levi’s eyes couldn’t help but wander down to where Eren jerked himself, hips rolling over Levi’s. “Levi.” Eren’s voice dropped two or three octaves. His arm tapped under Levi’s chin twice before Levi met Eren’s eyes again. “I’m begging you, Captain. Is this still not good enough?” Eren gave Levi a chance to respond, but the older man couldn’t. He was bewitched. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came to mind, so he closed it again. Eren’s raspy chuckle was practically a moan, “I’m ready for you.” Eren released his dick to hand Levi the bottle of oil.

That was Levi’s last straw. “Fuck.” He sat up enough to dump the rest of the oil onto his cock, Eren’s body followed immediately. Levi positioned his cock at Eren’s opening with one hand and steadied Eren with the other. The younger bent down enough to kiss Levi once more before he let his hips sink down, down, down. Sheathing Levi entirely in one go. Levi tried to watch Eren’s pretty face contort with pleasure as he bottomed out but Levi couldn’t stop from throwing his head back into the taters of pillow behind him. 

For a second neither of them breathed. Levi felt like he was drowning in pleasure. He finally drew in air when Eren rocked his hips. Levi’s legs trembled, needing to do something, wanting to thrust up farther—harder into the heat. But Levi didn’t want to hurt Eren, he knew the boy was struggling to adjust and only moving for Levi’s benefit. 

“Eren,” Levi forced his hand off of Eren’s hip to cup his cheek. “Breath, baby.” Eren nodded and took in a shaky breath and slowly exhaling before he rose up on his knees and dropped back down. 

Levi couldn’t be quiet after that. Eren wouldn’t allow it. Every time Eren would start to get into a rhythm that Levi could follow and adjust to the different sensation, Eren would go start bouncing or roll his hips in just the right way that had Levi calling out his name. Making Levi feel like the inexperienced one and Eren some kind of sex god. 

“Levi—LEVI, fuck—I’m—I’m getting…” He bounced faster, his hips lifting minutely only to push down as far as he could on Levi’s cock. 

Levi tried to match his pace, thrusting up into his lover, but Eren had him practically cross-eyed, “Mmmhhh” was all he could get out. But he under stood. His death grip on those perfect love handles was dropped so Levi could take Eren’s dick in hand. The other hand dragged the boy down by his messy hair to Levi’s waiting lips. Shoving his cock into the boy hard in the more horizontal position, the boy came in his hand, moaning into Levi’s lips. Eren’s entire body trembled on top of him. Squeezing around him. Levi didn’t need anything else to follow Eren into the oblivion. 

He thrust a few more times into the boy, working them through their orgasms. Eren too weak to do anything more than keep himself sitting up-right. When Levi’s hips stuttered to a stop, Eren rolled off him, falling to his side. They may have overdone it.

With a groan Levi rolled to his side to face Eren, pulling close with his arm around him. “You alright, brat?” he asked quietly, throat sore from screaming and still trying to catch his breath.

Eren nodded, close to sleep already. With the arm that was wrapped around the boy, Levi slid his hand down to the open, abused hole. Eren practically jumped back awake when Levi’s fingers slipped back in and easily opened him back up. “Levi! What are you—”

Levi peaked his head over the boys wiggling, overused body, “Watching my cum dribble out.” Levi glanced down with a smirk at how red Eren was with embarrassment. Levi scooped the sticky substance up from the boy’s skin and pushed it back into him. He squealed and smacked Levi’s chest. Levi shushed him with a peck on his lips, but left his fingers in. “You’re mine and it needs to stay there.”

“LEVI!” His eyes widened with a panic when Levi’s two fingers found his prostate again and gently messaged over it. “No, no, no, no. Levi, I can’t take anymore.” The arm around his thin frame left him trapped. He wiggled and pleaded but Levi wouldn’t let him get away, especially with the way the boy’s dick was coming back around.

“I think you definitely can. Look, Eren, you’re getting excited again.” Eren moaned brokenly when his overly-sensitive dick pressed against Levi’s leg. “Think I can make you come again?”

“No, Levi. God, please.” His body rutted against Levi again.

“Please what, Eren?” Levi’s fingers press a little harder inside him.

“Please, make me cum again.” Levi nodded with a smirk. Eren was young and could take the little extra abuse. Besides, Levi said he would make him beg.

“Are you sure that’s what you want, Eren? You look pretty tired, we can just sleep now.” By the dark shade of red Eren’s dick was, sleep wasn’t an option for him anymore. 

“Fuck, Levi, I need it. You get me so riled up.” Levi never stopped the slow circle he was drawling on Eren’s insides, loving the way it made Eren so desperate yet not enough for him to find his release.

“Think you can come just by your nipples?” Levi didn’t pause to get an answer. With his fingers continuing their mission to destroy Eren’s prostate, his lips latched onto one of his pert nipples. He sucked hard, practically nursing from them. Eren cried out, wrapping his arms around Levi’s head to hold him there as the rest of his body focused on getting friction for his aching cock against Levi’s leg.

"What? Old man can't get it up to properly fuck me again?" Eren rasped out between groans. Levi growled against his chest, warning him. "Too bad you came in their pants earlier, or else we might have gotten a second round."

Levi chuckled at Eren's breathless banter, "Oh fuck you," he finally conceited. 

Eren grinned, clinging to Levi with a beautiful smile, "That's what I've been asking for, dummy." Levi smiled back as he brought his lover closer and closer to his orgasm.

Eren came a third time minutes later. Fat tears dropping from the corner of his eyes as his cock sputtered out a pathetic amount of cum. Levi didn’t have it in him to get it up again or else he would be fucking Eren’s brains out until he came dry. 

Levi pulled out of him and flopped onto his back, “And how was that for a last time? Because I’m sure I could do better tomorrow.” 

“I’m never… walking… again.” Eren replied between gasping breaths. 

Levi chuckled and pulled him close. Levi curled up against Eren’s larger body, falling asleep there eventually.  
~  
Eren wanted to sleep. HE wanted to pass out and sleep until noon of three days from now. But he couldn’t. Tonight was the night. And if he didn’t do it now he never would. When he was sure Levi was thoroughly asleep he carefully moved Levi off of him and got up. Checking with every sound he made that Levi was still sleeping. He cleaned himself up the best he could with wobbly legs and put on clean clothes. 

He took a bag he had stashed away in one of his drawers and left. He looked at Levi one last time before he closed the door behind him. He loved Levi. He wanted to tell him a thousand times that night that he was in love with him. But it would only hurt Levi more tomorrow. It would only hurt Eren more for the rest of his life. So he left with Levi still making that satisfied, so-in-love face, even in his sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Nozomi_Higurashi for an awesome quote! Sorry this chapter took forever. I could make up some excuse about working or something but in truth I watched the Netflix Voltron series...twice. Im not sorry.

Armin was waiting with two loaded down horses outside the compound. Mikasa stood to the side, arms crossed and glare in full power. Eren wanted to run back to bed for so many reasons in that moment. But he didn’t, he couldn’t, he reminded himself for the umpteenth time. So he approached his fuming sister with his shoulders straight and head held high. If he didn’t look confident in his decision now, she would never let him leave.

It was dark, the night sky completely black except for the thin slice of moon peaking out from behind a dark cloud. The two stood in the field outside of the stables, neither looking at each other. Mikasa had probably already yelled Armin into silence. Eren was nervous as he walked out to meet them. 

“Eren,” she practically growled. He had only told her so much on the beach. Only told her that he had to get out again before he died, go on one last adventure with them before he was gone. She had refused to believe he was dying, Eren knew, but accepted that he needed to feel alive again. She helped Armin pack, but they were only packing enough for two and not for some weekend to the Capital.

“Mikasa,” he replied coolly, “Are you going to let me talk before you blow up or should I just wait until you’re done?”

Her lip twitched and Eren braced himself for her onslaught, but she rolled her eyes instead and visibly mellowed. “Nothing you say is going to change my mind, so you may as well go first so I only have to yell once.” It was clear that she wasn’t taking Eren seriously and didn’t intend to at any time.

Eren breathed a sigh of relief, he knew she was going to be mad but he was honestly too emotional to deal with it. He took a few steps closer and ended up just hugging her. She was startled at first but returned his hug after a moment. 

Mikasa would always smell like home to him; like ash from a fire and the cinnamon sticks their mother would make for them. It was probably the ratty old scarf that she never parted with long enough to be washed properly. Eren had given it to her so long ago, it felt like another lifetime. At least she smelled of Eren’s old home, the one that was broken to bits by titans. They had all changed so much—gone through too much—to be the same anymore. The past him would never consider his most recent choice as an option. Either Eren had grown or digressed.

“Mikasa,” he pulled away, looking her in the eyes, “I’m sick.” He whispered, “And I’m not getting any better.” Her eyes jumped as she looked back and forth from each of his eyes, becoming glassy with his words. “I can feel myself getting worse by the day. I know I don’t have much longer.”

“You don’t know that—” she cut in.

He reached up with his one hand to cup her cheek, “You have to let me talk, okay?” 

Mikasa looked away to blink back tears. In all the years Eren had known Mikasa he didn’t think he had ever seen her cry. She was too tough. He could hardly bare to watch them fall from her dark eyes. She nodded after the long moment she took to collect herself.

Eren fought his own tears. He hated crying, he felt like that was all he did nowadays. “I can feel the titan strength draining away. When I first stopped turning, that’s all it was, an inability to turn into the titan. But as the weeks keep passing… its like I’m losing all my energy, like the titan is leaving me for good. And I think I’m going with it, Mikasa.” Eren lost his battle with his tears, pulling away from his sister to angrily swipe the liquid from his face. “I don’t want you guys to watch me die. I want to be remembered as I was… as a person and not a sickness. I can’t imagine watching one of you,” he glanced over to Armin with the horse reins in hand, silent tears streaming down his face, “get worse and worse and worse until you die, only a shell of the person you once were. I won’t do that to you guys.”

Mikasa was glaring again when Eren peaked up at her. Stains running down her puffy cheeks and swollen lids. So she was an ugly crier, Eren chuckled despite himself.

“So what?” she asked, her voice a weird tone from crying. “You’re going to go to the Capital where they chain you in some dank hole until you die? Seriously Eren? You’re better off with us than anywhere else. I know—I understand your reasoning, but I don’t think you’ve really thought about your options.”

Eren smiled, clearing up some more of the pesky tears, “No, I’m going back to the ocean. I’ll spend the next month at tops there until I’m gone. The government won’t care if I’m wondering outside the walls. I’ve thought it through. I have everything ready. I’m saying goodbye.”

She whipped around to Armin, “How long have you known about this? Are you helping him?” She paused, but not long enough for Armin to respond, “Why can’t I go with you?”

Eren laughed in that ‘this is no time to be laughing’ way, “Armin is only going with me to help me set up camp then he’s leaving too. And if you knew where I was… Well, do you think you would stay away forever? I love you, Mikasa, but I don’t trust you. And I mean that in the most loving, sincere way.”

She burst into tears again, “Eren, I don’t want you to go. I’m not ready.” She pulled him into a back-breaking hug. Eren pulled her close for the last time.

“It will be quick, like how I was supposed to go. One moment I’m here and the next I’ll be gone. I don’t get to go out with a bang like the rest of them, but you can stop worrying about me all the same.” She shakes her head against Eren’s shoulder. “Mikasa, I’m leaving now. We have to get a head start for when Levi chases after us.” Eren smiles sadly as he removes himself from his sister’s arms. “Goodbye, Mikasa. I would have never gotten this far in life without you. I love you.”

Eren pried himself away from her still clutching hands and Armin had to come assist. She cried, cried into Eren’s chest until he was forcibly removed and then cried into her hands. Eren walked backwards taking in the pain that he caused that night, how much more he would cause in the morning. He backed up until he reached the horses. Taking one more look at his sister, the strong woman he reduced to tears, the woman that practically raised him from child to young adult, who fueled his dreams and stood by him all the while. What he was losing. What he was giving up. And it hurt so, so bad.

Armin finally helped him onto his horse, then climbed onto his own. They shared a look, they had already been through this that night on the beach. They didn’t speak as they encouraged their horses forward away from Mikasa still standing alone in the center of an empty field. 

~

Levi woke panicked with leftover fear from a nightmare, which was peculiar because Levi hadn’t had a nightmare since Eren started sharing his bed. It hadn’t been anything distinct that scared him, just intense fear. He reached for his lover needing the comfort Eren’s presence brought. Levi’s searching hand met nothing but cool sheets. 

He leaned up and looked around the room. The taller boy wasn’t there and the bathroom door was open and empty darkness reflected back. “Eren?” He called out, confused. Maybe the boy was actually hungry and went down to the kitchens, he tried to reason with himself. It didn’t seem likely though, Eren usually woke Levi up and made him go get him late night snacks that he would throw up in the morning. Levi temporarily repressed the unreasonable panic that chased after each thought. Eren was fine, Levi was just worried because of the nightmare.

Levi sat up properly and groaned. He was still covered in a fair amount of cum now dried and crusted to his skin. Whenever he found Eren he was definitely blaming him for this. Eren was responsible for the downfall of Levi’s cleanliness. 

He stripped the bedding and threw it in a ball in the corner, he would take care if it later. As for now, he definitely needed a bath, then he would hunt Eren down and make him scrub the floor as punishment for letting them go to sleep covered in jizz. 

~  
Twenty minutes later Levi was headed for the dining hall where his brat was probably hanging out with his friends. Levi was a little peeved that Eren didn’t stay and at least cuddle with him this morning. Levi had made a promise for round two last night that he was more than willing to keep.

In the corridor leading to the dining hall Levi ran into Hange, he immediately looked away and tried not to make eye contact—it usually encouraged her to talk to him. He didn’t look away fast enough apparently because she stopped him anyway.

She stopped directly in front of Levi, forcing him to comply. “Heeeeyyy, Levi,” She said with a flirtatious wink.

“What do you want, shitty four eyes?” he grumbled, needing four cups of tea before he could properly deal with her in the mornings.

She cackled her usual maniac laugh, “Oh come on now, aren’t guys supposed to be happy after getting that much sex?” That stunned Levi a bit speechless, though he did suppose they had been quite loud last night. She laughed again at his lack of response, “I’m sure the whole headquarters heard so have fun dealing with that, not everyone will be as nice as me about it.” She grinned mischievously, “You know I even feel bad, all that time that we were sleeping together I never made you yell like that.” 

“Oh I’ll yell at you shitty four eyes,” he quickly swiped her legs out from under her and pinned her to the floor, arms bent high behind her back. She gasped as she went down but didn’t put up much of a struggle when Levi pinned her. She knew she would suffer from talking like that to Levi. “Now what did I say about sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong, shitty Commander?”

She only laughed and squirmed uselessly in his grasp, “That’s right! I’m your Commander, I’m your Commander!” She giggled and Levi knew it was pointless, she was an absolute nutjob. She got up, wearily watching Levi for another attack, “No, I had a point in talking to you,” she reminded herself. “Have you seen Armin anywhere? He said he would help me look at some of those medical journals we got but he didn’t show up. Do you know if Eren made plans with him or something? Because I can’t find the little nugget.” 

Levi froze, Armin wasn’t like that, he was always on time and there when he said he would be. He was dependable to a fault, especially with Eren or Mikasa. He didn’t stay to listen to Hange any longer, Levi sprinted the short distance to the dining hall. He charged into the mostly empty room and stopped, quickly scanning the few faces that were milling around getting food. None of them were Eren or Armin. He growled and continued his mad search throughout the compound, going back and checking his room twice and everywhere else he could think of. He eventually noticed Hange had the soldiers searching as well and after forty-five minutes of checking broom closets he went back to the dining hall.

He sat down on one of the benches, head held in his hands and eyes closed. Hange and the rest of his squad joined him at the table. Well, with three missing.

“Someone please tell me Eren was fucking kidnapped again,” Levi growled at no one in particular. He had been so stupid, so incredibly fucking stupid. Eren fucking left. Eren fucking left right after they had sex. Levi felt so, so stupid. He knew the boy only wanted him for sex, but he had fucking believed the boy felt something for him. Levi told him he loved him and Eren didn’t say anything back. He should have fucking known. He should have known Eren would leave him, just like everyone else he let himself care for. His heart splintered into tiny fragments that bit and shredded into his chest. He loved him. He loved him. He loved him. And Eren had left him.

Jean snorted at Levi’s stupid comment, “He does get kidnapped an awful lot for being in the top of the class. I mean none of us have ever gotten kidnapped. I’ve never been kidnapped.”

“That’s because no one wants you, Jean.” Mikasa sat down opposite of Levi.

He did a double take, hope sprouting, Eren would never leave without Mikasa. But the look on her face confirmed that, yes, he left her as well. 

“Eren isn’t coming back, Captain. He’s had a good eight hours of riding already, we won’t be able to find him either.” Tears slipped from her eyes that just pissed off Levi more.

He slammed his fists on the table, “You fucking knew? You talked to him before he fucking left?” His voice was so low he doubted Potato at the other end of the table could hear him. 

Mikasa picked up Levi’s aggression, matching him in pitch, “So what if I got a ‘goodbye’? He still left me so he could go die somewhere alone, you fucking asshole.”

Levi laughed standing up and glaring her down, “You were fucking stupid enough to let him leave, you dumb bitch. If he would have—have just—fuck. I wouldn’t have let him leave.” Levi cursed under his breath, it wasn’t Mikasa’s fault. She was still a dumb ass, but he didn’t need to take it out on her. He sat back down, tugging on his hair by the roots, “What time did they leave last night?”

She took a long second to answer, measuring him up. “Around midnight.”

Levi nodded thinking it through. It was probably right after they had finished. He set that information aside for him to become pissed about later. “Right, eight hours like you said. Did they take horses or a wagon? And how heavily was it loaded down?”

“They took horses, but Levi—”

“No, this is good. I wrecked his ass so good last night he won’t be able to ride very fast and he’s still getting nauseous all the time so they’ll have to stop often. I’ll be able to catch up to them in a day.” Levi smiled proudly, he would find him. “Jean, go get my horse ready.” He nodded at the boy’s rushed salute as he scrambled away. He turned back to the she demon, “Mikasa, I know Eren is a blabber mouth. Where did he say they’re going?”

She looked down at the time-warn wood of the table, taking a steadying breath before returning her eyes to Levi. “I can’t tell you.”

Levi snorted, he expected that at this point. “You will tell me or you will be court-martialed.” He wasn’t going to play this game with her, he needed to find his brat before he did anything stupid, like die alone.

Her head dropped down into her hands, “As much as I hate this, Captain, Eren is right. I know I can’t watch him die like that. I love him but to watch the light drain so slowly out of him… I just can’t.”

His fingers bite into the cool wood, nails breaking from the force and knuckles turning white. “You obviously don’t understand what it means to love someone then.” Levi stood quickly and left. He would find Eren. He would.

~

Eren leaned over the side of his horse to retch for the trillionth time. They didn’t have time to stop though, they were going slow enough as it was. Two days already they had been riding and it was hell. They hadn’t even reached the gates yet. Eren figured when Mikasa snitched, Levi would go to the same beach they had been at, the one where Levi had told him he loved him. Eren did want to go there. It would forever be his favorite place in the world, but it was too risky. So they were going to the other gate through Wall Rose; East into the Chlorba district. Once through they would continue east through wall Maria and out until they reached the ocean. It was going to be a very long and tedious journey for someone as ill as Eren currently felt. 

Not to mention the deep, aching pain that still radiated down his spine centering in his hips and tail bone then continuing through his legs. He had wanted to say goodbye to Levi, but maybe they had gone too far. If his lover was here he would be cursing his name but also hinting for another round. Eren smiled to himself thinking back to that delicious night. He doesn’t regret what went down, not in a million years. No, he just wished Levi was here so he could have someone to complain to. Armin turned as red as a fruit when Eren had casually mentioned his ass ‘couldn’t handle riding anything else tonight’ right after they had left just over fifty hours ago. So Eren didn’t try having any other conversations about it. He presumed the entire base heard them that night with how loud he was and hoW LOUD LEVI WAS! Now that was certainly exciting. But Armin probably wasn’t an exception so he dropped the subject and kept his complaining internal.

The scenery wasn’t enough to keep Eren entertained, passing through small villages stacked on top of each other and long, endless fields. They passed time by talking about Armin’s work, how he has been spending most of his time with Hange. Apparently Hange was helping Armin train with his new titan powers in the mornings, and in the evenings he would come read through Eren’s dad’s old medical journals with her. He said there was a lot of new techniques and medicines that had yet to be developed inside the walls. Of course this got Armin rambling about medical mumbo jumbo for hours until Eren fell asleep on his horse and Armin forced them to rest for a couple hours. 

Eren finally rationalized that 1) this wasn’t going to be a fun adventure. He was leaving to die and that was all. 2) he didn’t want to be alone. He was beginning to realize how lonely this process was going to be once Amin left. 3) he didn’t think he could watch himself fade out either. He was doing this for his friends, so it would be easier on them, so his passing was quick for them… But for himself? Once he was actually alone on that beach? He didn’t really want to stay there long. He wanted it to be as quick for himself as it is for the others. 

These thoughts swarmed him every moment Armin was quiet. And he knew it would only get worse the longer he was alone. He didn’t want all the dragged out pain. He wasn’t strong enough anymore to face it. 

~

It took them over a week to get to the wall, and all the while Armin watched Eren spiral out. He wasn’t sure the cause of it, but he could guess that it was being away from Levi. 

Things had been different for all of them after Eren and Levi came back from the wall. It was like Armin and Mikasa were suddenly outsiders that didn’t have any purpose in Eren’s life anymore. It was Eren and Levi and no one else. And it hurt. Eren was… well he was their reason. Eren was the one hell bent on destroying titans. He was the one that got them to where they are now. Armin wasn’t blaming Eren for anything, Armin was quite proud of his own accomplishments. But without Eren it wasn’t the same. 

Armin adjusted his gear for the twentieth time, he still wasn’t too sure about this. 

“Alright, so I’ll just squeeze in here—” Eren inserted himself in front of Armin, maneuvering his hips in between where the grappling hooks shot out from. He then proceeded to hug Armin as tightly as possible. “Ok, I’m ready.” He nestled his face down into Armin’s neck as if that would brace him better.

Armin couldn’t help but nervous laugh, “Eren, how long have we been friends?” He didn’t wait long enough from Eren to do the mental math, “Anyway, in all this time this is definitely the worst possible idea you have ever come up with.”

Armin looked up at the wall again. Of course no one would willingly open up the gates even if all of the titans were gone and unfortunately Eren had prepared for that. Even though Eren could not use the 3DM gear, Armin could. So Eren figured he would just catch a ride up and over with him. It was sketchy. Armin could easily drop him or crash into something or not land properly at the top and just fall right over the side. The blond didn’t like this one bit.

Eren patted his friend on the back, “Oh come on, I’ve had loads of ideas worse than this. Now lets go, you’re wasting day light.” 

With a final sigh Armin pulled the trigger that shot out the cords, watching them pierce high up into the wall before being jerked up along with them. Eren squealed with delight as they raced for the skies. Armin guessed it would be exciting for Eren to be up in the air again, he’d been grounded for around three months, maybe longer. He knew how much Eren missed it all. 

Armin only stumbled a little when they landed, not being able to adjust to all the extra weight. Eren clung to him tighter, taking deep steady breaths. “Are you going to puke on me?” Armin really hoped not.

“I might. You should have just turned into the colossal titan and hopped over the wall.” 

“I would literally leave house sized footprints for Levi and Mikasa to follow.”

“Ugh, why do you always have to make a point? I will vomit on you, don’t test me.”

“You do that and I’ll drop you faster than you can say ‘pocket-sized, cleaning-devil boyfriend’.”

~

It took them two more weeks to get to an area of beach that Eren deemed “suitable”. Armin wasn’t complaining, Eren was basically picking where he was going to die. But he was complaining. Without their horses, travel was exceptionally slow with Armin carrying most of the luggage and Eren needing frequent brakes. They arrived at the ocean approximately 18 days after leaving, the vibrant blue waters roaring to life as they approached. Eren had spent several hours sitting in the cool sand watching the sun fade away while Armin had unpacked. The next morning Eren had promptly announced that this wasn’t where he wanted to stay and waited again at the edge of the water as Armin repacked. 

Two more days of wondering down the beach side as Eren stared out at the water and yet decided the land wasn’t doable. It was a pain. Amin loved him but spending not even a month alone with an emotionally unstable Eren was exhausting. He wasn’t sure how Levi put up with him for so long. 

Armin was starting to wonder what really was going on though. Yes, having cancer would make anyone emotionally unstable. Its hard to process, its hard to deal with, but with Eren…it was like he had to cry at the most random things he could find. Yesterday it was a flower he accidentally stepped on. The day before had been a sneeze that had startled him… It wasn’t a normal side effect.

Armin wasn’t a doctor but he had been reading up on those medical journals (he even stashed a few in his bag on his way out that he read during Eren’s naps). Cancer was hard on a person in every aspect, he wasn’t denying that. But stomach cancer shouldn’t have anything to do with hormones. At least not like this. It was strange. And it made Armin worry they hadn’t gotten something right. 

Armin probably would have given up on it if Eren hadn’t started eating again. Since he started getting nauseas Eren was eating less and less. Which made sense; with a mass growing in his stomach he would always feel full. Throwing up everything was also a good deterrent from food. But, the last few days Eren’s nausea hadn’t been so bad. And when Armin had made stew that night, Eren had practically licked the pan clean. Armin even woke up this morning to Eren rummaging through his pack looking for “pickles, cream, and salted pork” in which Armin had gagged and told him “Even Sasha wouldn’t eat that!” 

Eren, with all his weird behavior, had found a place he wanted to set up camp permanently. And Armin did have to agree that is was the perfect place. Armin hadn’t really thought about it but assumed whenever they got to the ocean, Eren would be saying his goodbyes. But this was much better. A grove of sweet smelling trees enveloped a small fresh water stream that flowed out to the ocean. A pocket in the dense forest opened up to a small grassy area big enough to set up the tent and build a fire. And though the trees blocked the view of the ocean, the water’s song was still able to be heard. The sun rose directly in front of them too. 

That night as per ritual, Eren sat just at the water’s edge, feet wiggled down into the sand, watching the light fade away until it left the waters reflecting only the light of the stars. 

“I guess you’ll be going tomorrow.” Eren said without looking at him. His eyes were dreamily locked on the dark waves crashing together. 

Armin sat down beside him, handing over a bowl of roasted fish, finally getting Eren to look at him. “I don’t have to leave, Eren. I don’t mind staying with you.”

Already at work on nibbling the flaky meat off the bones, Eren turned fully to look at Armin. And he seemed… more alive than Armin had seen him since before the accident. Face full of color from being in the sun so much. The darkness under his eyes was lightening with every meal he ate and kept down. 

“Armin, you know you can’t.” His eyes were back out to the water. “I know you are excited that I’m eating or whatever, but I’m just having a good day. Tomorrow I’ll get sick again and not be able to get out of bed like before. I’ve been doing this for months, okay? I know its my time to go soon.”

Armin was the one that was sick. Sick of all this crap. “No! You can’t do this! You can’t go and ignore me for months then force me to lie and keep secrets from Mikasa and drag your ass across the country then tell me to leave when you’re getting better!”

“But I’m not—”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s what you say. Why though? Or—ugh—how do you know? I get it that your weak and sick, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s your time to die! I just don’t—This isn’t like you. The Eren I knew wanted to fight everything, so fight this.”

Eren sat down his mostly finished bowl and pulled Armin into his arms, “I am sorry I dragged you into this, I know it’d been hard on you. This is what I need though, I promise I wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t sure. I tried fighting, I really did, its just too much to fight this time. Its hard to explain how I know but, its kinda like when you’re in your titan form and you can feel all of your strength and power coursing through you. Then when you leave the titan body all that strength is suddenly gone. That feeling—that’s what it feels like but I’m not in my titan body and that strength is still leaving me. Like I’m draining or something.” 

Armin couldn’t help his tears. He was trying to understand, and he did but at the same time he really didn’t want to listen to Eren. Because he would get better because he had to. The sand squished under them as Armin crawled over and placed himself in Eren’s lap. Lots of his childhood after the invasion had been spent like this. This is what his grandpa did when Armin got upset, sat him down in his lap and let him cry. Then when his grandpa was sent outside the wall, Eren picked up the calming trick. Armin hadn’t done this in the time they spent with the survey corps but it was nice that he still could. 

They sat like that for a long while, until the moon was visible and the night had cooled. Finally, Armin asked, “Can I stay a few days longer? I’ll make myself useful and get you a good supply of firewood and set up some rabbit traps so you won’t have to work to hard when I’m gone.” 

Eren was easy to read and Armin could see the great deal of conflict Eren had over the matter. After just a beat too long Eren finally agreed to let him stay.  
Armin settled them into their tent and let his anxiety over what really was going on with Eren rest. Because he believed Eren, but something else was definitely going on with his friend. And Armin wasn’t leaving until he found what that was.

~

Apparently, Levi was going through the five stages of grief, or at least that’s what Hange had told him. The first stage was denial which Levi had definitely not gone through. Its not denial if you know you will get the loved one back. And Levi had no doubt in his mild that he would get Eren back, therefore he wasn’t in denial.

The second stage was anger. Levi was usually angry so he couldn’t even count it if he wanted to. Was he upset and disappointed that Eren left him? Yes. Was he angry about it? Also yes, but he was also angry at Hange for making him sit down and talk to her and angry that the food always tasted like dirt and angry that there was a leak in the roof that dripped into his room. In conclusion, Levi was an angry person in general so being angry about Eren’s disappearance was nothing unusual. 

The third stage was bargaining and if Levi had to choose he would say he was here. Mikasa knew where Eren and Armin went, she just hasn’t been to cooperative in giving up the location. But it was only a matter of time…

Armin had been gone three weeks already with no sign of return. And Mikasa was starting to worry. Which means Eren was probably far but not so far that Armin shouldn’t have made a round trip in that time. It was Levi’s time to strike but he would have to be very careful in doing so.

He waited two more days before he approached her. “Mikasa? Have you heard anything from Armin?” 

She gave him a look. She knew how anxious he had been about finding Eren especially after all of Levi’s own searching had been in vain. Eren had been cleaver in leaving when he did. No one had seen him leave in a ten-mile radius of the headquarters. “You know I haven’t.”

“Mail? Anything?”

“No. Until Armin is physically here, none of us will know anything. So stop asking.” Her temper visibly flared before she stops mid eye roll.

“Wha—”

“Shush, listen…” Never in all of Levi’s years had he been ‘shushed’ before. But he listened. And the ground began to shake. A great thundering noise echoed. “Fuck.” Mikasa turned back to Levi with panic in her eyes, subtle but still there, “I’ll go alert the squad, you get your gear on and find out how far away it is.”

Though not a bad strategy, Levi chuckled, “No need. Armin heard us talking shit and came running.” Levi remembered very clearly what that sound meant, the out-right terror. Thinking Eren and him were going to die any moment. And thinking of Eren, covered with bruises, some from his own hand, arm blackened, barely able to walk yet still telling Levi to go. Levi had known then that he would do anything for that man. And if Armin had risked turning into his titan form inside the walls and was running to them, Levi was about to test that theory. 

He ignored Mikasa’s questions (she hadn’t answered any of his since Eren had left so he didn’t answer hers) and ran for his horse. He forwent the saddle and pushed the mare into a sprint. 

~

Armin woke in a panic to Levi pulling his body from his titan form. His head spun and he couldn’t make his legs work. He reached out blindly and managed to snag Levi’s shirt with his uncooperating fingers, “Levi!”

“Amin, I’ve got you. Stop freaking out.” Levi drug him down the mountain that was his titan body and settled him in the dirt. “The sooner you calm down the sooner you can tell me what’s going on.”

Armin couldn’t calm down though. It was too important. He had to get back to Eren. “Get Hange. We…” His mind bent blank for one startling moment as his body adjusted to being so so small, “have to go back,” his mouth continued even if his brain wasn’t. 

Armin was dimly aware of Mikasa riding up and jumping from her horse. “Armin!” She was crouching down next to him in lightening speed. His head rolled and Armin blacked out this time. 

When Armin came to again he was…better. He sat up slowly and found himself lying in his normal bed. Hange put down the book she was reading and came over from the chair she had in the corner of his room. 

“Take it easy there, pip squeak. You haven’t had enough training to be running around so much with titan powers. Even hear the saying ‘the bigger they are the harder they fall’? Well you are extra big and then you just dropped like a sack of potatoes. Its not good for the head.” She taps her own head to demonstrate. “How are you feeling?”

Armin blinked, taking everything in. Then he remembers, “I’m fine. Where’s Levi?” He quickly realized what a pointless question that was. “Levi!” he yelled. He would obviously be outside the door waiting. If it had to do with Eren, Levi would always be there.

Sure enough Levi walked in quickly, the whole ordeal startling Hange. “Okay kid what happened?” He pushed Hange to the side so he could sit on the bed next to Armin. 

Armin took a deep breath, he knew this was going to take a lot of explaining and more time than they really had. But there was no gentle way to say this, “Eren’s not sick, he’s pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think i'm funny, sorry if you don't


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic isn't dead! I just am.

Levi blinked, “Hange, did you check him for a concussion?” Armin had definitely fallen hard, he wouldn’t be surprised if he did have one. Even so, Levi was a little concerned for Armin to be spitting out such nonsense. 

Hange hummed and grabbed a candle off the night stand and putting it ridiculously close to Armin’s blond coconut head. “His pupils are dilating correctly. It doesn’t look to be a concussion.”

“Well what about dehydration? Sun stroke?” Armin was a red tomato from too much sun. 

Hange opened her mouth to say… whatever Hange says, but the blond cuts her off. “Listen, Levi, I’ll tell you where Eren is—hell, I’ll take you to him—if you just listen to me. I’m being serious here. You need to listen!” His voice cracks and Levi can’t tell if its due to puberty, dehydration, or nerves. 

Levi needed to know where Eren was though. Even if it meant listening to Armin rant for a half hour, if it would get him to his man, he would suffer the kid’s delusions. Levi took a breath—he was almost there—and nodded.

Armin began to talk and as he went, Levi had a harder and harder time not believing him:  
Eren sickness had lessened, then was gone entirely.  
Eren was eating. Actually eating.  
His hormones were abnormal, even for Eren.  
And that mass was growing at an alarming rate.

This made Levi stop. The mass growing was not a good thing. All the others could be associated with Eren getting better. The mass however… Levi didn’t follow.   
He butted it, “Explain—in simple words—how that is a good thing.”

Armin sighed but backtracked quickly, “Eren’s pregnant, Levi! The mass growing, it’s the baby!” He said it like it should be the most obvious thing. Even Hange looked unconvinced. Armin seemed to notice that and turned to her, directing his ramblings at her. “Hange, remember how we thought that Eren’s titan powers were focusing on trying to heal the cancer?” She gave a nod, still as disbelieving as Levi. “Well, what if it wasn’t healing, but making a womb of sorts, focusing on the baby?”

“Oh my fu—” 

“You don’t seriously believe him, Hange?” Levi turned and, yep, she was scientifically gone. Titan genes and possibilities taking over every brain cell and making her eyes all big and dreamy. Gross. 

Armin continued, feeding off of Hange’s buzzing mind, “Eren also said that it felt like his titan power was draining, now, what if, the titan power is what’s fueling the fetus. Like, typically in women, the baby would be in a nutrient rich environment but Eren doesn’t have that, so his body is just stream lining all his titan juice into growing that baby!” Armin gasped, spitting out all his bullshit in one breath. 

“Levi,” Hange turns suddenly to him and clutches at his arms, “You and Eren had sex in those nasty ruins after you got captured, right?”

Levi choked. He was use to Hange being a bit much but this… She was off her rocker. “Eren. Is. Not. Pregnant.”

“You know, I knew that wasn’t titan snot all over Eren’s legs when we rescued you guys.” Armin comments.

Levi stood up and made to leave. He was tired of this shit. He would rather go back to begging Mikasa for Eren’s location. 

“No wait, Levi!” Levi wouldn’t have stopped but Armin said those magic words, “Eren needs you now. He couldn’t leave so he sent me to bring you back to him.”   
Levi turned back around with a sigh, sitting down and lacing his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Armin, can you please, please just tell me where he is. I need to get to him. Please.” Levi hated saying ‘please’. He felt desperate. He was desperate. 

Armin carefully swung his legs off the side of the bed, sitting up to fully meet Levi’s stare. “Look, I know this seems like a long shot. And me and Eren both would have thought the idea crazy, but…”

“BUT, WHAT?!” Hange practically jumped with the momentary suspense. 

Levi watched Armin swallow hard, glancing at Hange’s desperately eager face then to Levi’s just desperate one. “It moved. Eren said he had been feeling it for weeks and thought it was just nausea. But once the nausea stopped… It freaked him out so bad—to realize something has been growing in you for months—he’s terrified. He refused to leave, to come back. He just kept screaming and screaming for you,” Armin’s face visibly pales, eyes gone flat as he seemingly relived the event. “I ran. I left him alone.” Water seeped out of the corner of his still lifeless eyes. “Levi, we have to go. Now.”

Startled, “Armin—”

“No, Levi, Hange, we have to get back to him soon. Who knows what he’ll do if he’s alone for long in that condition.”

Levi was suddenly hyperventilating, he turned his back from the duo to take a breath. If Eren…no, Levi wasn’t even going to begin to think about it being a possibility. Right now, Eren needed him. Right now, Eren was broken and so very alone. 

Levi smiled. It was irrational at a time like this, yes, but god, did he love that boy. All the weeks he spent pacing the halls, yelling at soldiers to clean something again, annoying the snot out of Mikasa, and laying awake at night alone. All of it didn’t matter. How much he hurt and all the times he doubted Eren loving him back, didn’t matter. Because he loved that boy and whether it was reciprocated or not, Levi would go to the ends of the earth for Eren. It was so amazingly simple, yet he felt like he had cracked a great mystery in life. 

He turned back to the two, “Armin, I’m going to get the supplies we’ll be needing ready. Make a list for anything specific you’ll need to help Eren with the… labor. Hange I’ll need you to round those up for me.” Levi paused, debating with himself. “Hange, obviously you won’t be able to come now that you’re commander, but I’ll probably need more help. So, I’m taking Mikasa with Armin and me.”

I have no idea when we will return. If I can I will bring Eren back here, but if things are as complicated as they seem, that may not be an option. I’ll keep you informed on our whereabouts, but don’t tell anyone outside the three of us and Mikasa about this. If this gets out about Eren, who knows what will happen to him. Even with Historia as Queen—I just won’t risk it. Are we clear?”

“Obviously not clear on who the commander is around here.” Hange muttered under her breath, to which she received an elbow to the ribcage. “Yes, I get it. But, Armin, I want every detail recorded during the birth! I want it so descriptive I will be able to smell the placenta.”

The door was closing behind the captain by the time she finished her sentence. 

~

Levi had a shit load to get done if he planned on leaving before the sun set. As he strode down to the younger Ackerman’s room, he briefly wondered if he should be nervous. He doubted she would believe Armin’s crazy idea of Eren being pregnant any more than he did, so he didn’t have to worry about her trying to fuck him up over that. No, he was more nervous that she would blame him for all this, mostly because he blamed himself. 

Eren should never have left. He was alone and terrified, and Levi could only hope to get there sometime today. He knew Armin would need a while before he would be able to form his titan again. But he wouldn’t wait forever. He sure as hell wasn’t going to ride there considering it took Armin and Eren a month to travel to Eren’s secret hide-y hole. And it was true, he would need Mikasa.

As much as he hated to admit it, Levi was preparing for the worst. Armin had said Eren was freaking out and asking for him. Who knew what was really going on with him. But he was going to come prepared. If for some reason Armin hadn’t gone bat-shit crazy and was telling the truth about the pregnancy, Levi would be prepared. And if Eren was having another mental break down, Levi would be prepared. And part of that included Mikasa.

Technically, him and Mikasa were cousins? Levi wasn’t really sure. He had tried shifting through there mess of a family before and had easily grown board. Mikasa had been… very stoic during Eren’s absence. He didn’t know how to describe it. He could tell she wanted Eren back just as much as he did, but she refused to tell him where he was. He had tried everything: bargaining, begging, abuse of power, yelling, fuck even crying. Nothing worked. She was like a marble statue. So much emotion expressed on the surface, but no will.

Levi got it, knew how heart broken she was that her brother would leave her like that. And maybe that’s why she wouldn’t tell Levi where he was all that time. She was probably angry, hell, Levi was angry that Eren had just ran away from them. But he had seen her take action for Eren countless times before. Levi even broke his ankle saving her life as she went after Eren. And that’s what confused Levi, could she really be so hurt that she would stop going after him?

Levi hoped not as he rapped his knuckles against her door. If Levi wanted to calm down Eren when he got to him, Mikasa was key. 

She opened the door and swiftly exited the room, a large pack and coat swung over her shoulder. “Took you long enough,” she commented as she started down the corridor.

“Wait, what?” Levi followed anyway.

She glared over her shoulder, “You really think you are the only on that gets to go see Eren? Obviously something is going on, I figured you would eventually come crawling around here. Now you’re just wasting time. I don’t know about you, but I want to see Eren.” 

Levi couldn’t argue, he couldn’t really process the situation either, but she was right. It was time to get Eren back. 

~

All hell was probably going to break loose for Levi’s uncouth strategy. Erwin was probably rolling in his grave as Mikasa and Levi rode Armin across miles and miles of country side. Large, titan-sized footprint left in their wake. 

They had Armin strapped down with supplies for the upcoming winter. Materials to build sturdy tents, blankets, clothes, dried food and grains. Armin had also insisted on several more medical journals and Hange added the empty notebooks for Armin to fill in. And of course Levi made sure they all had their 3DM gear and blade and canister refills. Levi may have been a little excessive with the packing, but Levi didn’t want to have to leave Eren again.

It took them a few hours and a handful of awkward encounters with local farmers to get to Eren’s general location. Nerve racking hours where the Captain clung to Armin’s hair for dear life. And his head continued to run through the worst-case scenarios for what they were about to walk into. 

When Armin did set them down and de-titaned, Mikasa was already shooing him away as she waited to collect Armin from the disintegrating body. Levi ran, he had seen the mini camp site before being grounded and dashed for it. Maybe 300 meters away was all that there was between him and Eren. Levi’s legs may have been short, but he sprinted through the woods and into a small clearing inhabited by only a small, silent tent and a cold fire ring.

“Eren?” 

Levi stepped into the clearing. Sunset-colored leaves crunched under his boots. An empty sound in the startling quiet. Levi’s breath visibly shook as he exhaled. He had to be prepared for what he would see. Levi supported Eren with every fiber of his being, even in death, and Levi had to be prepared to take in whatever was inside those tent flaps. He took another step, more leaves crushed. He couldn’t do it. He closed his eyes. If Eren was dead… no, no, he couldn’t think that way. Fuck. 

“Eren.”

He couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes. He focused on listening for any rustle or snore from inside the tent. A long minute passed before he begrudgingly shook himself out of his trance. Without another thought he swiftly went to the opening and whipped back heavy piece of canvas. 

It was empty, well besides the nest of blankets and clothes strewn around the small area. But no Eren. 

Then, “Levi?” 

Levi was beginning to realize certain moments in life would completely change you as a person. Something big or small, it didn’t matter because after it had happened, you could never go back to being the person you were before. And a person only gets a handful of these moments in their life, what they classify as “special” or “important.” These moments are then tucked away and treasured, probably what flashes before your eyes when you die, he reasoned. He turned, tears already half way down his face. 

Eren stood at the edge of the clearing, his body bathed in the mid-noon sun. Bright leaves danced behind him still in the tree and skittering across the ground, dancing to the wind. His skin was golden and healthy and bathed in warm light. He seemed timeless. The way his overly large tunic flapped around his form in the wind. His hair a bit longer than usual kept flying through his fingers and whipping around his face. Levi’s feet suddenly regained the ability to move again. He dashed to the other man, sweeping him into his arms. 

“Eren, Eren, Eren.” Levi felt like he had to touch every part of him just to know he was real. After a strong embrace, Levi pulled back to run his finger through Eren’s hair, skim his thumbs along his cheek bones, look into those constantly raging green eyes. But they weren’t raging. They looked…soft. Like the storm had finally settled a choppy sea. “Eren?”

Those eyes crinkled up and a smile suddenly appeared brighter than any sun, “You’re here?”

Levi took a step back, looking over his man again, that prominent roundness to his belly that had only grown-but that would be worried about later. Now, now he was back with Eren. He couldn’t even look his lover in his damn stupid face for risk of crying again. So he said to his feet, “You doubt me, brat?” A puff of breath, Eren’s laugh expressing how ridiculous Levi was being sent cold chills down Levi’s spine. “Well, Armin didn’t really give me a choice. He ran across country in his big ass titan suit only to come smashing through the Corps’ front door. Figured I had to investigate.” A one shouldered shrug. “Shitty Commander sent me—”

“Levi,” Eren’s hand snapped out and covered Levi’s mouth before he could say another word. Eren slowly grinned, “Say something again.”

Not what he had expected, but he continued his nonsense about Hange making him come “investigate”, “Well four-eyes, uh, Eren?” Eren held his stomach with the biggest grin on his face, mostly creeping Levi out.

Eren grabbed Levi’s hand and forced it on his stomach, “Okay, now tell me something.”

Levi gave an experimental tug on his hand but Eren kept it firmly pressed to his belly. “I don’t get it Eren. What’s going…oh shit.” His jaw seemed to come unhinged and stayed that way. He looked down to his hand, the mass underneath it, to Eren’s eyes and back again. “Is this..?”

Eren laughed—a genuine laugh—all teeth and grins, “He likes your voice. Keep going.”

Under Levi’s palm—Armin had said, but he didn’t—he still didn’t, but—it didn’t matter anymore. The tiniest of movements shifted around under the hard barrier between them. His baby and him. Levi dropped to his knees and placed both palms to the obtrusion, “This can’t be real,” he whispered. The flickerings of movements turned into full on flailing, then settled once more as Levi quieted.

~

Eren couldn’t believe Levi was there. With him. Holding his—their baby. Talking to him. And—oh—all the love in his eyes physically hurt Eren to see. But at the same time, it was hope. Some small glimmering movement of hope growing inside him.

Eren has just assumed Armin had gone mad from the heat or crazy from dealing with Eren for so long. But when he had felt it moved… At first he had thought he was going to be sick, like something rolling deep in his gut. Then it kept going, shifting and swirling in odd ways. He knew it wasn’t sickness. He had thought the worst. He had almost—when Armin had left—he had been so close… No, he wasn’t going to go back to that place. Not with Levi here. The situation wasn’t ideal, but Eren had faith and this baby gave him so, so much hope that maybe everything would work out alright in the end. 

“Levi,” Eren tried to stop him from his nonsense talk to his abdomen. He didn’t want to. He needed to tell him. It wasn’t going to go well.

Levi smiled up at him. For some reason Eren noticed how nice Levi’s teeth were; straight and clean. Something he hadn’t ever realized because Levi never smiled like that. Never showed his teeth in a blinding smile that radiated warmth. It was so… beautiful. Definitely not true to Levi’s character, with all his usual brooding and what not. Oh but Eren was going to bask in this for a little longer. He couldn’t tell Levi what happened, what would happen eventually. 

Eren had ran away so that Levi didn’t have to watch him die, to protect him. He would do this once more. Because Eren loved that man with all his heart and would keep him from hurting in whatever way he could. 

“Hey, Eren, can you tell whether it’s a boy or a girl?” 

He couldn’t help but laugh at the goofy expression on his lovers face as he repeated the question to his belly, giggling when the baby kicked in turn. 

“I don’t think it works like that,” absentmindedly he ran his fingers through the thick black hair. It was longer than he was use to, the sides not as close shaven. Looking more closely, Levi was ragged. His clothes dirty from several days use. His hair long and unkept. Dark lines ringing his eyes. “Have—”

“It’s actually most likely male.” Armin limped into the clearing being supported by Mikasa. 

“Armin! Mikasa!” Levi stood slowly, giving one last kiss to Eren’s belly before releasing him to join his friends. He promptly ran over. His baby bump not big enough to make him waddle yet. He was shocked, he had expected Armin to be here, but Mikasa. After how he had left her crying in the night like that. It was one of the many things he had regretted with this whole escapade. “I didn’t think—Mikasa, I’m so sorry—for leaving like that. I know it wasn’t acceptable and… I’m sorry.” For the first time in his life Eren felt flustered talking to Mikasa. Here he was a pregnant, one handed man with many, many mistakes under his belt, begging his sister to overlook those mistakes. And he was nervous. 

Mikasa rolled her eyes, “You know I still don’t believe you are pregnant. But something has to be up to make you this emotional.”

And with that, the tension was gone. Not there was a reason for this tension that Eren had made up. It was Mikasa. He knew no matter what happened between them they would always be able to reunite. They were family, that’s what a family does. 

“What are you talking about?” Levi scoffed, joining the group in the sandy alcove. “Eren has always been the most emotional of the team. He cries when small titans are killed because he thinks they look like little kid titans.”

Eren gasped, “Levi, you said you would never tell anyone about that!” Levi ducked from Eren’s poorly executed punch, “And it was only one time.”

They laughed and that was it. It was so easy to be back together again. Leaving would just be marked down as another one of Eren’s dumb mistakes that everyone got over. And he was okay with that. 

“So why a boy?” Levi asked, absentmindedly running his hand along the curve of Eren’s belly. Mikasa gave a weird look but didn’t question it.

“Because the parents are both men,” Armin said like it was simplest thing in the world. “So men have an X and a Y chromosome and women have two X chromosomes and that’s how the gender is determined. In normal conception, the mother always gives a X to the baby and the dad either gives an X or Y. But since both of you are guys, both of you either gave a X or Y. So the chances of the baby having the Y chromosome or being male are increased from the normal chances. There is about a 2/3’s chance that the baby is a male.”

There was a brief silence, then, “Hey, Armin, didn’t we go to the same school together?”

“Yes?”

“Then where did you learn all this crap? You make absolutely no sense.”

~

They went to work putting up the other tents and stashing their supplies. Armin and Mikasa got their own tents and Levi was more than happy to be spending his nights with Eren again. 

Levi was happier than he had ever been before. He didn’t quite know why. He had never wanted a baby, especially born into the world of theirs. He never thought he would love someone either, not like he loved Eren. And to know that he wasn’t going to lose Eren like before… He just felt like smiling constantly. And he had. From the moment he saw Eren practically glowing on the beach he hadn’t been able to reset his face to its normal position. He could tell it was disturbing Mikasa. 

Levi was being disturbing, he could tell. He knew he was being creepy as he watched Eren eat every bit of his soup and then went back for seconds. It was just such a different dynamic, not worrying about Eren eating or getting enough nutrition every day. Several times Eren caught him staring and sent him reassuring smiles. Levi wanted to kiss the daylights out of that man. But he didn’t really know where they stood.

It seemed like a silly notion. Eren had asked him to be there. But was that because it was Levi’s baby too or because he actually needed and wanted Levi there with him? And he had just assumed that he would be sharing a tent with Eren, but if Eren didn’t want that… Levi knew he was overreacting, but at the same time Levi really didn’t know. Levi had made his feelings clear, but Eren’s were still a mystery. Levi had already told himself that it didn’t matter if his feelings were reciprocated, that he would always love and support Eren in whatever way he wanted, but Levi desperately wanted to know where his place would be.

But for now, knowing that Eren was here with him would be enough. 

Levi felt like a beggar that night following Eren to his tent. He watched Eren pull back the tent flap—

“Are you going to keep doing that all night? You’re being weird,” Eren commented as he ducked into the narrow space.

“What?” Levi found himself caught off guard as he followed after him.

Eren sat on one side of the tent, barely lit by the dying fire and last few rays of sun, making plenty of space for Levi to sit next to him. “My point exactly; you’ve been only half here all night. I kinda expected you to at least yell at me to clean up in here before you came in.” A quick smile flashed then disappeared, “I guess I just expected things to go back to the way they were, but I get if—” Eren grabbed one of the many blankets littering the floor (he had a point it was pretty messy and needed cleaned) and pulled it to his chest, “I know leaving you like that—I just thought—I don’t know. But I get that you’re upset. I understand being angry at me for just running away.” He rung the blanket in his hands before dropping it with a sigh, “I didn’t want to hurt you more...”

So many thoughts flashed through Levi’s head. All his weeks filled with sadness and anger, so much hurting and feeling betrayed by the man he loves. But the thing about loving someone, Levi realized, was that you never stopped loving them. Even though he hurt him and made mistakes, Levi forgave Eren a long time ago.   
“Eren,” Levi kneeled down in front of Eren, fully intent on taking him into his arms.

“—No, Levi, I need to say this.” He took Levi’s hand and placed it on his cheek, leaning into the touch. “I love you. More than I could ever say. More than you could ever know. I love you, and I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but with everything, I didn’t want to hurt you more.”

Levi lost his breath and felt tears instantly well up in his eyes. He would never admit it but it felt so fucking good to hear that. To know that someone in his god-awful shitty world loved and cared for him, returned his feelings. Damn. 

“I’m sorry. I know our lives are crazy and that will probably never change, but I don’t want to leave your side ever again. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Levi.” Eren started crying then, big tears rolling down his face. He pulled his hand away and laughed as he wiped offending liquid away. His eyes shined with something more than tears and he smiled at his confession. 

“I’m going to kiss you now,” it was the only thing Levi could think to say.

Eren nodded eagerly, already reaching for him. Levi pulled him into his arms finally, finally after so long. His hands found Eren’s face, trembling as their lips finally met. 

Levi kissed him until he was breathless and then kissed him some more. Their lips and bodies never parting for longer than a moment. And they stayed that way for hours, long into the night until Eren stopped them. Pulling away and panting, “Levi?”

Levi mentally cursed himself, Eren was probably exhausted and needed to rest more than usual in his condition. “It’s okay, we can go to bed now,” Levi reassured.

Eren laughed, “That wasn’t what I had in mind, but if you’re tired, old man…” 

Levi balked, “You’re serious?”

Eren laid out on the blankets, arms above his head as he stretched out, arching his back up in the process. He smiled, “I’m in love with you Levi, I want to be with you in every way.”

Fuck. Levi wanted to. Has been wanting to since last time. Since forever, if he was being honest. But, “I don’t think strenuous activities are a good idea for you right now, brat.” He said with as much love as possible.

Eren smirked that dirty smirk that usually got him whatever he wanted, “Well you can do the strenuous part, I’ll just lie here and take it.” Fuck. Levi was already turned on from their make out session, he didn’t need tempting. “Besides,” Eren continued, “a lot of people have pregnancy kinks.”

“You are kinky enough for the both of us.” Levi tried in a futile last attempt to tell Eren no. “Anyway, if I get you now I know I won’t be able to go easy.”

Eren chuckled, “Thank Maria!” And next thing Levi knew he was stripping off his shirt, revealing his smooth round belly and small breasts developing. Damn it all. Levi had a pregnancy kink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took so long guys. wish i could say the next one will be quicker. i will try, but no promises. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you have any specific ideas you think would fit well in this story. I accept all critiques unless you're an asshole <3


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